▶ Your Answer : The issue here is do parents have to keep smartphone away from children or let them use for some advantage. In my opinion, I believe that parents should give children opportunity to utilize their smartphone, and my view can be substantiated by the reason addressed below. Firstly, there are lots of good apps for children can use. Obviously some might argue that too much app usage can lead young children to get addicted to their phones. lead young children to addict their smartphone,(문장의 뜻이 제대로 전달 되지 않았습니다) like game or social media. Nowadays, however, most of app designers make app by age based on market strategy. In other words, parents could find fun app for their children’s pastime or educational app. In my nephew,(내 조카 안에 라는 말씀이신가요?) for example, he use English vocabulary app in his smartphone, and really enjoyed. Compared from day when we study, it is easy, handy and way cheaper. Moreover, most of children already use smartphone. They know how to use, and they can contact with their parents by smartphone. Honestly, You cannot ignore the invasion of technology these days. Its more difficult you can to find 2 g cell phone now. This trend makes age of smartphone user younger and wider. (무슨 소리인가요? This becomes lifestyle, not a preference. Only you can forbid smartphone is just remove your cell phone from your child.(문장이 전하고자 하는 바를 이해하지 못 하겠어요) Some parent worried about as early their child uses smartphone that makes distant from them.(문장의 뜻이 전달되지 않아요ㅠㅜ 문장 쓰는 방법 연습이 많이 필요하실 것 같습니다) Many parents do not want to see their childrenstaybehind from their friends because Smartphone is keychain among their friends. And ironically it leads parents far away from their children emotionally. . In conlusion, smartphone user is getting younger, and many app designer open various platform for them. It is inevitable trend, so most of parents compromise this topic with their children in a good way. (conclusion이면 에세이가 정리되어야 하는데 또 다른 paragraph를 시작하는 느낌입니다) Therefore, I agree that parent should allow their children could use smartphone.
some might argues같이 굉장히 기본적인 문법 오류가 많이 보이는 편입니다. 수일치 오류가 굉장히 많습니다. 수일치만 따로 문장 만들기 연습하시는 것도 좋은 방법이실 것 같습니다. |