▶ Your Answer :
Some
people believe that the ability to work with other people was more critical in
the past than it is nowadays. However, in my opinion, its importance is the importance of It much more
important significant (같은 단어가 한 문장 내에 두 번 이상 쓰이는 것은 웬만하면 피해주셔야 합니다.) in these days for the following two reasons.
To
begin with, many universities and companies have their applicants include the
description of their experiences of team projects in their resume. By doing so,
they could determine if the person has a leadership, consideration, and
faithfulness at once. In fact, those are the significant qualities that colleges the
university or companies currently seek for from the applicants currently. Thus, to enter
a college or get a job, people might be able it is advantageous for people to collaborate with others and
lead their team. For example, last year, I applied for an internship but I
failed getting it, because I told them I prefer working alone rather than working
together with others in the final interview. On the other hand, my friend who
enjoys sharing ideas and doing projects with strangers passed the same internship got through it. This
personal example definitely demonstrates that it is crucial to know how to
cooperate.
On
top of that, the trend of globalization is boosting the significance of the
collaboration. To be specific, since the Internet and transportation technologies
are developed, lots of multinational corporation and international organizations
have been appearing. As stated in their label, they are meant to work with
other countries counterparts. Thus, in order to run those organizations well,
the employees working for them must have a collaborative capacity. For
instance, I have an uncle working in an international IT company. He has tons
of (구어체에 가까운 표현이기 때문에 바꿔주셔야 합니다.) conference with foreigners in which he should discuss or negotiate upon the
given issues. Since the translators are provided, language is not a problem for
his company members. Instead, whether they can be fused into the foreign groups
and exchange their thoughts freely is the most important factor.
To
sum up, when it comes to entering university and company, cooperative ability becomes
a critical these days. Furthermore, due to globalization, internal organizations’
employees are required to be capable at working together so that their organization
could be well-operated. In this regard, I believe if a person can cooperate
well or not is more crucial than ever before.
총평: 문법상으로 잔실수가 있었고, 보다 나은 단어들이 쓰일 여지도 보이긴 하지만 그렇게 크게 문제가 되지는 않을 겁니다. 그리고 내용을 탄탄하게 잘 갖춰주셨기 때문에 어느정도 좋은 점수를 받으실 수 있을 것 같아요. 어떤 단어를 쓰면 최고의 효율을 끌어낼 수 있을까에 대해서만 조금 더 고민하고 작성해주시면 더 좋은 글이 될 겁니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)
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