▶ Your Answer :
Some people might say that making parks and building libraries are necessities in order to provide comfortable environments for citizens. However, in my opinion, I firmly believe that the increase of public transportation should be a priority because of the following two subsequent reasons. such as pratical aspects and creating jobs. To begin with, the increment of public transportation has a significant influence on residents and environments. To be specific, the introduction of new public transportation, more buses and subways not only makes (introduction 과 호응됩니다.) inhabitants commute conveniently and comfortably, but also protectsthe environment by using public transportation (일단 철자는 지켜주셔야 하고, 대중교통 이용에 따른 자차 이용의 감소라고 적는 게 정확하죠.). For example, in Daejeon, there was a considerable change in public transportation. The district office introduced new systems such as tram on the streets and more operations of buses. It required a huge amount of money to adapt the public system by investing infrastructures. The result showed that most of the people in the city were content with the new public system and reduced using their own cars while commuting and traveling around the whole city. In addition, the Ministry of Environment announced the rate of air pollution in Daejeon smoothly went down from 65% to 50% thanks to facilitating the use of the increase of public transportation (그 자체로 복수입니다.).
On top of that, increasing public transportation can make more jobs in cities. In general, in order to enlarge public transportation, cities need to build more stations and recruiting more employees to operate changed public transportation. According to the research conducted by Korea University, the effects of the increment of public transportation indicated that the change can create at least 1,000 jobs and boost related industries such as public transportation technologies, car and train companies. There is no doubt It it has a higher possibility to activate a myriad of industries in cities.
To sum up, taking the benefits of increasing public transportation into consideration, I strongly believe that the most important thing to do is to increase public transportation. In this regard, its affirmative impact far outweighs other choices.
총평: '이 글이 대중교통에 대한 투자를 해야 하는 이유' 이었으면 내용상으로 꽤 좋은 평가를 받을 수가 있지만, 공원, 도서관과의 비교도 하나의 고려사항이기 때문에 조금 감점은 있을 겁니다. 대중교통에 대한 투자의 이유를 들어주실 때, 나머지 두 개, 즉 공원과 도서관에 대한 투자로는 이끌어낼 수 없는 사항을 들어야 이쪽의 투자가 비교우위를 갖겠죠. 또한 글에 철자 오류가 조금 많은 편입니다. 아마 철자를 모르시는 것 같지는 않고 타이핑하는 과정에서 오타가 난 것 같은데 조금 더 신경써주시면 될 것 같아요. 수고하셨습니다 :) |