▶ Your Answer : It is debatable whether what the most important factor for having an enjoyable trip is. However, in my opinion, Pleasant weather is the most important thing for having a great trip because it makes people have many chances to do something and feel good. To begin with, I think that pleasant weather gives people with a lot of opportunities to experience numerous activities. If weather is nice, people can go outdoors and try anything that they wanted. Weather is a significant factor that decides people’s plan. For example, when I went to Euroup, weather was very good, nice and perfect. I could go anywhere that I wanted to go and I had a lot of option. A number of choice that I can choose made me active. If weather were cloudy and windy, I would have to use the mountain train. In this case, I could go hiking by foot, therefore I could see and feel nature more specially. On top of that, I think that pleasant weather provide people with great feelings. If weather is so bad, people would be dejected and depressed. When it comes to a travel, good places and beautiful landscape are so important. However, I think that weather takes precedence over them. For instance, when my sister went to Jeju island with her friends, weather was brillant. After she came back to home, she told me about her trip. She said that it was so nice travel since wheather was good. She could take many pictures with nice weather and she was definitely satisfied with her photos and trip. To sum up, good weather offers a variety of activities to people and provides people with good impression. Moreover it can endow travelers with high self-esteem. In this regard, I think that great weather is the most essential part of successful travel.
우선 주장 자체는 아주 좋습니다. 그리고 주장을 문장으로 옮기는데에 있어, 아주 심사숙고하고 쓰신 듯 합니다. 다만 문장들이 너무 짧고, 군데군데 중복되는 부분들이 많이 보이는 편입니다. 또 문장 형식도 주어, 동사 목적어 이렇게 반복되는 문장들이 많아, 실은 가독성이 좋은 편은 아닙니다. 제 생각에는 문장을 아주 문해력있게 쓰는 기사나, 책 많이 읽어보시고 따라 쓰면서 연습하시면 도움 조금 될 것 같습니다 |