It is obvious that both cars and airplanes have offered people a convenient life. However, personally, I think cars have brought profound changes to our life than airplanes have. This because individuals use cars on a daily basis and cars have affected the environments. First of all, no one can deny that most of the people in the world use cars than airplanes. Individuals utilize cars for earning, such as commuting or distributing of goods. Those activities are influencing affecting many aspects of our lives and economy. For example, when people deliver some products from other states, they use trucks. Thanks to the car, we can enjoy the products from other regions. Especially in the united states, besides big cities, most people have their own car. This is because the only big city has public transportation. Moreover, people tend to ride airplanes for life events such as travel, weddings or business trips. In my opinion, cars affect our life more directly than airplanes do.
On top of that, cars have affected our environment negatively. Numerous people recognized that cars emit carbon dioxide which is harmful to our atmosphere. So cars are responsible for noticeable damage to the environment. In Korea, there is a "car-free day" which is for environments. So people use public transportation instead of using their own car. In order to reduce the toxic level and congestion on the road. Meanwhile, there is no "airplane free day". Many people get involved in the campaign since they are aware of the unpleasant effects of cars.(이거에 대한 설명이 조금 더 자세해야 할 것 같아요) To sum up, cars have made a tremendous change in life. Cars not only affected an individual's life but also the economy of nations. Moreover, cars have made negative consequences on our environment than airplanes have.
우선 전체적으로 내용이 굉장히 짧습니다
intro 같은 경우에는 맨 처음 설명을 조금만 더 해줬으면 좋았을 거 같고, 나머지 본론 paragraph들도 example이나
주장 설명이 제대로 되지 않은 것 같은 부분들이 꽤 많이 보였습니다.
그리고 문장들이 대부분 기본적인 format을 가지고 있고 그의 format이 많이 반복적입니다.
조금 더 다양하게, 문장이나 어휘 사용할 수 있도록 공부 더 하시면 좋을 것 같습니다
Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : Cars have made a greater impact on society than airplanes. |
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