▶ Your Answer : According to the reading, there is a doubt that cars have made a greater impact on society than airplanes. This answer is vary depending on the individual's perspectives. After pondering from several view points, I am on the opinion that airplanes have made a significant impact on society. I feel this way for two reasons and I will explore on the following this essay. First of all, airplanes allow people to travel abroad. Airplane is essential transportation to go to the other countries. For instance, when I was an university student I read a book about China's history. It was intriguing and made me to hope to see remains, to be specific, Manrijangseong.(Great Wall) After I had decided to go to the China, I tried to get a ticket for travel. Finally, I bought a airplane ticket and I could see a lot of relics and learned about history. If there is no airplane, I would not experience a trip. (너무 의미없는 말입니다. 주제는 내가 왜 중국을 가고 싶었나, 가 아니고 airplane에 대한 겁니다) Moreover, airplane provide chance, which is finding suitable residence, to people. Since invention of airplanes, we can move to other country to seek better place for leaving(better place to leave???). My sister in law has two children. One day, she heard bad news from her son's teacher. The teacher said that he does not like to study and make negative effects on the other students. She disappointed him but did not give up. She did her best to find out solutions and consequently figured out. She concluded that our country's education is unsuitable to him. Thus, she decided to move to the U.S. Now, he has got great grades and thanked for her efforts. She used airplanes to move to other country. (주장 예시가 너무 약합니다) To sum up, Airplanes enable people to go to trip and find good residence. For these reasons, I strongly believe that airplanes have made a greater impact on society than cars.
essay자체가 약간 weak한 느낌입니다. 읽었을 때 굉장히 convincing하다는 느낌은 들지 않아 조금 아쉽습니다. 제 생각에는 주제 맨 처음 알고 쓰고 싶은 이유 정리하고 ->detail->예시 순으로 가야 설명하는게 가장 편할 것 같습니다. 또, 어휘도 많이 기본적입니다. 용도가 틀린 어휘도 조금씩 보이니 주의해주세요 |