▶ Your Answer :
The transition from adolescence to adulthood is important because it sets the stage for later one's future adult life. Young adults seem to be influenced by many factors. Some people say parents do most impacts on young people’s lives. In my opinion, however, friends are the most important influence on young adults. The rationale behind this is that they spend most of time together and exercise peer pressures. First of all, friends significantly have more influences on young adults because of the amount of time they spend together. As young adults become older, they spend less time with their family and more with their friends. Especially, throughout their junior or senior in their high school, they always stick together most of the day. Drawing from my experience, I had to stay at school from 8:00 a.m. till midnight when I was a third grader at high school preparing for the college entrance test. Whenever I had a problem, I always counseled with my friends and listened to their advice. This is because I thought that we were in the same boat and they have a better understanding of me because we spent lots of time together. Undoubtedly, friends play the most important role in adolescence years. Additionally, friends have the greatest impacts on one's life because they exercise peer pressure. As young adults are adolescence, they develops a feeling of connection. They naturally want to be accepted by their friends (How?) and be popular. On top of that, peers strongly determine preference in the way of dressing, speaking, and even anti-social behaviors. For example, one of my classmates was a decent student, but when he became a high school student, he got into trouble, hanging after he started to hang out with bad students. He started to smoke, rode a motorcycle without a licence, and even bullied weak students with a gang of students. Unfortunately, he was suspended from school. I definitely feel that the pressure to ‘be cool’ was so huge that he got a wrong judgement. This is manly because he was mostly influenced by the group of people he hung hang out with when he was in teens. In this aspect, adolescents’ positive or negative attitude is associated with peers’ influence. (Unclear point) To conclude, friends are one of the most important contexts throughout adolescence. (Clarify the meaning) It is inevitable for youth to be directly influenced by their friends because of the time they spent together and the pressure of peer group. Therefore, it is of great importance for them to have a positive influence from their friends for youth’ health and well-being.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 3
| 3 | 3 | Score | Fair 18-23 |
- 친구들과 많은 시간을 보내며 ~무엇을 하였는지에 대하여 세세히 밝혀주시는 것이 좋습니다.
- young adults 가 전부 adolescence 를 뜻하는 것은 아닙니다. - 비행청소년 아이들의 내용을 상세히 잘 전개하여 주셨으나 주장인 peer pressure와 관련한 문장들을 보다 언급해주시는 것이 중요합니다. |
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