Q. Cars have made a greater impact on society than airplane.
Determining which transportation has impact on the society is an ongoing debate among (미완성 문장입니다). A close examination of the issue will demonstrate why airplanes have made a greater impact on society. This is because airplane enables people to broaden perspective and to expand social community.
In order to build a strong foundation to the perspective that airplane has more impact on the society enables people to broaden perspective, it is first necessary to logically analyze its potential benefits. For example, because of growing complexities of the modern society, people live busier lives. (새로운 문장으로 시작해주세요) they spend much of their time to work indoors, it can prevent to live narrowly (무슨 뜻인지 모르겠어요). However, By traveling to a (올바른 관사) different country, they can broaden horizon and also talk with different kinds of people. In other words, airplane which has more impact on the society should not be overlooked. As a way to widen perspective, airplane has more impact on society than cars. Even if it is only for a short time, this frees their mind from the intense mental pressure from daily boring life. In this regard, airplane enables people to broaden perspective.
Airplane has more impact on the society, adding on to the aforementioned point, enabling people to meet new people in different cultures. Understanding the importance of building own network and the potential role of airplane is necessary to substantiate this view. For example, Taking airplane provides meaningful opportunities for people to interact with others in different culture. Essentially, taking (대소문자 구분) airplane promotes activities that encourage people to expand their own social spectrum. Such experience build a platform not only to understand different countries but also to learn how to deal with others.
To sum up, airplanes (단/복수) have made a greater impact on society for the following reasons: to broaden perspective and to expand social community. Consequently, the importance of potential power of wide connection between countries cannot be underestimated for the reasons mentioned above.
-
1. conclusion의 분량을 3문장 이상으로 늘려주세요.
2. 사소한 문법 오류가 잦은 편입니다. proof-reading을 꼼꼼하게 해주세요.
3. 한 문장 안에 주어 동사가 너무 많습니다.
한 문장 안에 주어 동사는 절대로 두 개 이상 올 수가 없습니다.
만약 그러러면 and이나 so 등으로 연결이 되어야 합니다.
참고해주세요!