Some people think that living with apet is less likely education for children to improve their responsibility.However, in my opinion, this way is the best way to learn not onlyresponsibility but also moral action. This is because they can learn how animals`life is precious and how to be a patient person in young age.
To begin with, Children can beeducated about the value of life by raising a pet. Even though people geteducation about animal and various species, it is way more efficient if theycan learn the value of life in a childhood. And they can learn this throughtaking care of them such as feeding foods, protecting a pet from danger andgoing to park together. A study was conducted by the faculty of Education inUCLA to determine whether caring a pet could affect responsibility of child.The researchers tracked 300 children over a 10 year period even after theyentered the high school. What they found was intriguing. The students who havelived and had relationship with pets showed better ability to accomplish theirassignments than the students who have not. This study proves the relationshipbetween responsibility and caring a pet in childhood.
On top of that, caring a pet makeschildren improve their patience. Since discipline a pet takes a long time andneeds much patience, children can learn this from young age. For example, whenI was 5 years old, my parents gave me a cute puppy for my birthday gifts. Andthey taught me that I had a duty to raise this pet healthy. However, theprocess to care of my pet was not easy because I need to wait until they canunderstand my signal and follow my order. While keeping discipline my pet andliving, finally I can figure out why is patience and how to be a responsibilityperson.
To sum up, it is fact that caring apet is one of efficient ways to educate children`s. Because they experience thepreciousness of life and how to be a patient person. In this regard, I firmlybelieve that caring for a pet is the best way for a child to learnresponsibility.
우선 띄어쓰기는 왜 안 한건가요? 이렇게 하나도 되어있지 않다는 뜻은 다 쓰고 한번도 안 읽어봤다는 뜻입니다.
proof reading은 필수로 진행되어야 합니다.
and로 문장 시작하는거 지양해주세요. 그리고 특히 연결사를 조금 더 다양하게 쓸 수 있도록 연습하면 좋을 듯 합니다.
detail이 너무 부족한편입니다. 주장에 대한 설명이 거의 나오지 않은 상태에서 그냥 끝나는 듯한 느낌입니다
어휘가 많이 기본적입니다. 동의어 위주로 공부 더 하셔야 할 듯 합니다