▶ Your Answer :
"Follow your passion." Steve Jobs
once said, which inspired millions of people to struggle and wait for a job
that is really "satisfying". However, in my point of view, one should
cherish whatever job that is secure. This is because the value of a stable occupation
is severely underestimated, as it is one of the best financial tools to help
survive in such an unpredictable world and can save us more energy to pursue
other vital goals in our lives.
To begin with, a stable job can help us
deal with the fluctuating financial environment. It is widely accepted that the
financial crisis is an economic disaster that occurs every other decade.
Although the government is trying its best to curtail the deterioration, the
consequences are always unbearable to those who have no fixed source of income.
For example, my cousin Jerry resigned from his job as an accountant in a
government office and decided to be a free-lance artist in 2001, who is quite
content for his job. Meanwhile, at the time his career began to take off, came
the financial crisis in 2003. Most of his patrons and clients gave up investing
and canceled numerous deals with him. Jerry ended up in debt and had to ask his
parents and brothers for help. Therefore, "following passion" can be
very risky in an ever-changing social environment.
On top of that, the decision to pursue a
safer career option can save us time and energy to devote to other important
parts of our lives. Now that people are assured that their jobs are secure,
they can divert the rest of their focus to serve their communities and enjoy
time with family. For instance, I am working in a public school as a happy math
teacher, and thanks to the career decision I made by quitting a job as a real
estate broker, my life became much more satisfying. Being a teacher ensures
that I do not have to work overtime to make ends meet.앞과 뒤가 잘 맞지 않습니다. 이럴 경우 그냥 The job of teacher ensures the balance between working hours and off hours. 이런 식으로 의미가 조금 더 곧바로 받아들여질 수 있도록? 적어줘야 합니다. All I have to do is to
focus on my works during office hours and go back home at a fixed time.
Therefore, I can dedicate more time to my daughters.
To conclude, a stable position should be
given more credit as insurance of people's financial robustness and an effective way to realize work-life balance. In this regard, I agree with the
statement that one should grab the opportunity that offers a secure occupation
as soon as possible.
1. 맨 처음에 이렇게 유명한 말 차용해서 쓰는 것 좋습니다. 다음에 쓸 때도 뭔가 hook로 시작할 수 있도록 적어주세요. 2. paragraph 첫 시작문장은 내가 앞으로 할 말을 집약적으로 설명해야 하기 때문에 무조건 짧고 point있게 적는 것이 좋습니다. 두번째 main paragraph처럼 purse safer career---이거 다시 쓰지 말고 주장부터 바로 나가세요. 3. 전체적으로 문장 format이 너무 기본적인 편이에요. 위에 빨간 글씨로 적은 것처럼 바꿔적는 연습하면 좋을 듯 합니다 |