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Every human has their own personal experience of wondering how their ancestors used to live in the past. Particularly in the case of people living in the twenty first century, they usually imagine what it was like to live in the periods when their grandparents were young just like them. Some of them end up believing that it would have been much easier to live at that moment opposed to the complex and disordered contemporary world. However, in my opinion, life is much more comfortable and easier now when compared to the life of our grandparents. introduction에서 너무 factual한 것만 주르륵 나열하는 느낌입니다. 이렇게 적지 말고 조금 hook나 흥미로운 부분 중간에 집어넣는 것이 좋습니다. First of all, it is of great ease to go to anywhere these days. Thanks to the development of modern vehicles, people can go to anywhere they want in a blink of an eye by riding cars, buses, planes and etc. On the other hand, civilians living in the nineteen fifties 연도 말하는 게 맞나요? 그냥 숫자로 적어야합니다. experienced a lot of trouble when they desired to reach a certain place. (예시가 나오기 전에 앞에 말한 a lof of trouble이 뭔지, 자세하게 설명이 나와야 흐름이 자연스럽습니다) For example, my grandparents once told me that it took a couple of days to get to Busan from Seoul. They were one of the lucky people because they could possess their own automobile at that time. Most of the people had to ride buses, changing them at the bus stations, which chiefly took more than a week to get there. On the contrary, getting Busan is much faster with an ease. 'KTX', the fastest train in Korea, only takes remarkable two and a half hour to arrive at Busan. Apart from the train, the speed of the modern automobiles enables modern people to reach the city in less than six hours. Therefore, as the hassle of spending too much time in traveling is removed, lives are much comfortable in the modern society. On top of that, the opportunity of learning is more widespread in the twenty first century we live in. 이런식으로 문장이 조금 쓸데없이 길게 이어지는 부분이 있습니다. that, which넣어서 계속 늘리는 것보다는 중요한 information만 넣은 후에는 끊고 가는 게 좋습니다. Technological improvements in the Internet has granted us the ability to learn and look for any subjects regardless of the time and space. Using mobile phones and computers, students can access to internet communities in order to inquire what they want to know or make use of numerous online educations available on a number of websites. Fifty and Sixty years ago, in the age of our grandparents, learners had to physically contact experts or visit library to acquire certain knowledges. This is not the case in the modern world. Students can ask professors using messengers or e-mails without the need of arranging a meeting with them. To look up a written material, they can download e-books in a few second. Thus, as the process of studying is much simpler now, it is true that lives of people have improved accordingly. In conclusion, by comparing the lives of modern people and those of the ones who lived in the past generations, it can be noted that former is more comfortable and easier. This is due to the drastic improvements in the portability of vehicles and availability of learning materials. The discomfort, our grandparents had to go through everyday was vast in every aspects of their lives. In spite of them, they could pass on the beautiful and wonderful modern world to us. Thus, it is our duty to be thankful to them and be able to pass on the better world to our following generations. intro랑 conclusion은 조금 더 간단하게 나오면 좋을 거 같아요. conclusion에서는 내용 정리만 잠시 나오는 게 가장 좋습니다. (main paragraph가 주인공이되어야 합니다) |