▶ Your Answer : All kinds of life styles we are now on are affected by our past generation and development of human being and we know
future generations are going to have their own life style on the situation what
we made. Many debate whether our way of life will get negative effect on next
generations or not. On this point, I will discuss this problem on aspect of
social, environmental and cultural. 수일치는 문장 적을 때 기본 중 기본입니다. 에세이 다 쓴 후에 여러번 proof reading하면서 체크해줘야 합니다.
To start, our current life style is (앞이 our인 이상 뒤가 is로 끝날 수는 없습니다. 앞에 지적한 거 처럼 수일치 신경써야합니다. 에세이 시작부터 기본적인 오류가 보이면 문장에 대한 기대감이 약간 떨어질 수 있습니다.) tend to
be individual which is people does not care about others and other value such
as humanity rather than before. This tendency will be stronger in the future. (in, on, at 구분 잘 해야 합니다) The
research conducted by Sican university in China asked Chinese young generations
which is between 13-18 “will you help a person who is being robbed in the road?”
and 78 percent of them answered that they will not help. This research pointed
that individualism will be selfishness and it will be social problem on the
future. Our social tendency is on the way to loose humanism and it makes future
generation selfish.
As environmental aspect, the current world
is systemically organized for spending earth materials such as woods, air or
water. The Amazon of South America is getting smaller and air and water
pollution is getting worse. This situation will be totally huge problem on
future generation because there will be no materials to spend for them as many environmental
activist and NGO warning. Even earth will be not suitable to live for human.
For the third aspect, cultural integral is
getting widen because of the internet. Internet makes our life much easier by
connecting people from any location but also it is negative effect on cultural diversity.
For instance, all people in this world love pop music from western culture and
they are trying to learn western music because it makes money. Even though
there is valuable traditional music, we are not interested in traditional music
anymore and traditional music is getting disappeared. It will make future
generation forget own tradition. 이렇게 aspect로 나눌 거였다면 첫번째 main paragraph도 aspect로 나누었어야 합니다. 이렇게 갑자기 2,3만 aspect라고 하면 흐름이 끊깁니다. 해당 paragraph 경우 예시가 너무 빨리 나옵니다
As a result, our current way of life seems
no problem but it is serious negative impact on future generation. Even though
there are many activist trying to change our life style with specific ways, we
need to know that what we doing even small thing we do has large effect on our
children. 전체적으로 적었듯이 문장 자체를 많이 안 써본 듯 합니다. 제 생각엔 에세이 연습보다는 문장 쓰기 연습을 조금 더 해야 할 것 같습니다. |