▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly,
relationships play a significant role in people’s daily lives in many places
where they work or play. Some people think that one should spend more time
being far away from the people we care about, because it is necessary for
people to understand the importance of relationship of people we care about,
while others think being away from people we care about can damage our
relationships with them. Both sides may have own reasons to support their
views. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that it needs for people who
live far away from the ones they to care about to can better understand the importance of their important relationships. There
are several reasons as follows.
To
begin with, when people spend more time being far away from the people they
care about, they can help them control a emergency condition. It gives them more
chances to socialize with their cared about people by getting to understand and
acknowledge each other while spending more time with them. (What does it mean?) It tends to prevent
them from being in a emergency condition. When I was 15 years old for 5 years ago, I
more often went to my grandparents’ house that was took 3 hours from away from home.
To go to Visiting the grandparents’ house was not easy because our family had to drive
to there. However, it was a good method, (For what?) because grandparents and our family
could build strong bonds by spending more time with them. (Who are they?) We realized that my
grandparents had bad physical health condition such as high blood pressure and
diabetes. Fortunately, we were able to control the emergency condition that my
grandfather's health got worse due to a by high blood pressure. My grandmother called our family
and we could deal with this situation. My grandfather was able to care about
his physical condition. Also, he can live at this time. Without a good
relationship with my grandparents, we have not been able to control emergency
condition.
In
addition, (No topic sentence) there is one of bad stories. John, one of my old friends, and his
family hardly went to his grandparents’ house because it was a very long distance
from his home. His grandparents and his family had a little good relationship.
As a result, when his grandmother went to the hospital because of her broken arms by broken her arm, his
family did not know what happened to his grandparents happened. When his family realized
this situation, they felt sorry to his grandparents. If his family had spent
more time with his grandparent to build strong bonds, they would not have been
able to regret.
In
short, I strongly believe that the advantages of spending more time with people
who live in far away far outweigh those of spending little time with them for
the reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, the importance of spending more
time to understand the importance of relationships cannot be overestimated in
life.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 1 | Score | Limited 10-17 |
- emergency condition이란 어떤 상황을 언급하는 것인가요? - 두 번째 단락은 주장이 밝혀져 있질 않네요. - 글의 요지를 전체적으로 파악하기 어렵습니다. 우리가 소중하게 생각하게 생각하는 살마들과 멀리사는 것이 어떻게 해서 build a strong relationship이 가능하였는지 설득력이 있는 포인트들이 분명하게 드러나 있지 못하였습니다. |
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