▶ Your Answer :
Some people appeal for (might) prefer shorter workweeks with longer working hours each day rather than the standard a 5-day workweek. However, from my perspective, a regular five days of work per week is more preferable for people to be content with their careers and maintain a healthier lifestyle. Firstly, working five days a week, with limited office hours (Why did you mention 'Limited' ?) per day leads to a higher job satisfaction. It is proved that our concentration span is limited and people can be easily burnt out due to prolonged working hours. Therefore, only when daily office hours are confined, (Unclear meaning) can employees can be more actively engaged in their work and improve work efficiency efficient. For example, my sister Lily used to work in an accounting firm that requires relentless voluntary overtime work. After elongated hours of bookkeeping, she found it difficult to concentrate fully on the tasks at hand and not worry about upcoming projects. Eventually, she made numerous careless mistakes and lost confidence and a sense of achievement, let alone happiness while working. On top of that, a reasonable hour of working each day helps employees cultivate wholesome habits in their downtime. Consistency is pivotal for people to form a habit. (What habit?) For instance, my friend, Jane and I both paid a fortune to start working out at an expensive gym. The first week went well. Meanwhile, her job as a global institute's stock manager requires her to prepare for any slightest change (What is it?) in the global stock market and come up with resolutions. Thus, she had has to work overtime to contact with colleagues from other time zones, which made it impossible to exercise regularly. Her schedule at one gym was halted and finally abandoned. (Awkward) On the other hand, I managed to keep up with the plan and lost 3 kilograms in 3 months. (Need more explanation) To conclude, longer daily office hours with fewer working days sounds like an appealing option to enjoy one's life. Nevertheless, the reality is that the traditional 5-day work week can ensure more happiness in the workplace and a more self-disciplined personal life.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 2 | Score | Limited 10-17 |
- 문장이 대체적으로 짧고 단순하게 마무리되어있습니다. 교정해드린 것처럼 자세한 설명구문을 넣어주시는 것이 바람직하겠습니다. - accounting firm의 예를 들어주었는데 이곳은 3일동안 긴 시간이 아닌 5일-6일간 계속해서 일을해야하는 항상 바쁜 곳이기 때문에 예로 적합하지 않습니다. - 마찬가지로 두 번째 예시또한 자신의 예를 잠깐 들어주었는데 부연설명없이 결과만 도출이 되어 설득력이 낮다고 볼 수 있습니다. |
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