▶ Your Answer : Every person dislikes to be controlled and prefer to make fun in their lives. This is natural and students of course have this tendency in schools. Keeping up step with this trend, there have been numerous rules to prevent people, especially young children, from pursuing solely entertainments in their lives. However, some people object to these many rules, saying that they are too rigorous to follow for students. On the other hand, I strongly believe that they should be controlled by these rules strictly for subsequent two reasons. First and foremost, it is definite that a number of rules in school prohibit people from deviating. Young students who are immature yet are easily inclined to break away from school due to their arduous learning schedule. This, however, can be overcome through numerous rules. For example, when I was in middle school, my friends and I did not like to attend to some boring classes, so we were usually absent at those courses. Since there was any no rule to control us, the number of omitting classes increased over time. After moving to an another city and anther school which includes various rules to follow, I could not do this action. There was policy that a student who do not attend to a class three times would be fired from school. Owing to this, I participated all the courses every day, and did not any deviating activities 무슨 뜻인가요? at all due to other strict rules. Considering this experience, it is certain that lots of rules lead students to do well and not to deviate in a school. On top of that, many rules bring about well established environment for students. There is no doubt that when there are various rules existing, they readily controlled by the school. 어휘가 너무 어감이 셉니다. controlled by school,,? In other words, they can concentrate on their tasks well in controlled situation with many deterrents. 스터디 결과가 나오기 전에 주장에 대한 설명이 조금 더 자세하게 나왔으면 좋았을 것 같아요. To be specific, there was a study conducted by a columnist in Seoul National University in Korea with two groups of adolescents as subjects. The first group was composed of students in a school with very few rules, and the other consisted of those in a school with numerous rules. He tracked the mood between those groups, and the result was intriguing. While the first group formed efficient learning environment for studying, the counterpart showed a tendency that they to get distracted and do not concentrate on studying well앞과 의미가 거의 비슷하므로 굳이 다시 적어주지 않아도 됩니다. Of course the former students got better grades compared to the letter. Judging from this study, it can be assured that students with a large number of rules establish efficient circumstances for learning, and it is also important for them in many ways. In conclusion, the advantages of numerous rules far outweigh the disadvantages of them in that they restrain students from deviating, and help forming better mood to study. In this regard, I can be convinced that a number of rules are definitely essential to schools even if they would restrict them in several points.
우선 숙어를 잘못 알고 있는 듯한 부분이 조금 많이 보입니다. 어휘 외울 때 정확한 쓰임새도 함께 외워줘야 더 정확한 문장을 쓸 수 있습니다. 모든 어휘는 각자의 느낌이나 어감이 있는데 이걸 잘못 쓰면 문장 자체가 어색해보일 수 있으니 주의해야 합니다. 아주 기본적인 문법 오류가 많이 보이는 편입니다. 특히 수일치, 시제 등 간다한 문법 경우 복습해줘야 합니다 |