첨삭보다는 어느정돈지 객관적으로듣고싶네요..ㅠㅠ
학원도못다니는 사정이있어서 첨삭도 한번도받아보지못해서요.... 이정도로 가서치면 어느정도인지궁금합니다 부탁드립니다.!
토픽. Only people who earn a lot of money are successful.
찬/반대 유형
Some people might believe that getting much money has much to do with the successful lives of people. However, It is more reasonable to say that earning a lot of money provides people with various kinds of benefits, which is related to a successful life.
To begin with, much money makes it possible for people to live diverse types of lives. In other words, people who earn much money can live a better quality of lives. To explain, with the competitive and rapidly changing world, the money is a significant role in the lives of people. To be more specific, when people are living their lives, most of the things in the worlds are related to the money. If people want to purchase some items, they will need enough money. Then, it is necessary for people to need much money when the items are very expensive. With the useful and practical items, they would be able to live high quality of lives. To sum up, earning much money enables people to live more beneficial lives, with a lot of money giving them freedom to buy any items that they want.
Another important to note is that, enough money allows people to overcome problems when they face difficulties. Not only can they get over it but also help a majority of the poors. To illustrate, during whole lives of people, they have a possibility of encountering unexpected adversity. With a lot of money, it is easier for them to overcome and resolve the problems. In this line of thoughts, If the owner of a company had severe financial problem, they would much likely to solve the economic hardship with much money. It is easier for them to restart their business. Furthermore, people who are desire to aid many poors can help them with better environment. The financial support is very crucial parts of helping the poors. This is because, most of the poors find it difficult to maintain their lives, not having enough money to sustain their lives. As a consequence, getting enough money makes people get over hardship. In addition, it is beneficial for them to help many people who are struggling with maintenance of lives.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that in order to succeed in their lives, It is totally important that people have a enough money to continue and live better lives.