서론 : 전체 구조 도 좋고 영어구사도 좋습니다
점수 : 5점정도
================================
┼ ▨ 푸른 소나무님 점수 만이라도..함 봐주세요.. - 에세이 ┼
│ 맨날 글만 보다가 처음 써서 올려보네요...여러 선배님들이 쓰신글과 비슷할 수 도 있을꺼 같아 죄송하다는 말씀을 드리고 싶네요..여러번 읽다가 보니..그리고 좋은 표현을 찾다가 보니..그렇게 되었네요...
│
│ 푸른 소나무님
│ 여러 글 보시느라 수고가 많으 실텐데요..제 에세이 점수 만이라도 부탁드려도 실례가 되지 않을까 모르겠습니다. 감사합니다.
│
│ #30
│ (PR) Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
│
│ Whether living in a small town or living in a big city sometimes becomes an interesting issue among people. I have both experience to live in a small town and a big city. As for me, I am of the opinion that living in a big city is overweigh(=> outweighs) living in a small town. There are two reasons that make my view convincing. This is because of job opportunities and cultural benefits. ( =>These are jos opportunities and cultural benefits)
│
│ Above all, to get a job is one of the important things in one's life. It means that he/she can take a place in his/her society. However, we cannot get a job whatever we want or wherever we live( 내용이 갑자기 반전 되어 어색 합니다 시골에는 ...). In general, most large companies are located in big cities. According to research, almost sixty percent of large company is in the metropolitan area., and a personnel officer said, "we usually held job fairs in the university near our company." (Thus) Provided that we live in a big city, we could have more job opportunities.
│
│ Additionally, we may enjoy cultural benefits through living in a big city. As we know, many theaters and museums are situated in the big city. What's more (important), mass transportation is well equipped. For instance, After I see an advertisement about plays on newspaper, I can go to the theater by routine bus or subway. Probably, we would reach the theater within two hours because most of buses or subway networks follow fixed time schedule. Using cultural benefits, we can enjoy our lives(=> Enjoying cultural benefits, we can improve our lives).
│
│ From what has been discussed, I come to the conclusion that there are two rationales(=> 어색) why I hold the position that living in a big city is better than living in a small town. First, we could have board scope of employments. Second, we would have a good time with our culture. It is needless to say that advantages of living in a big city are more than those of living in a small town.
│
┼ ┼