▶ Your Answer :
A variety of opinions may exist over the argument that
children should use their time to play and study rather than to do household
chores. As far as I am concerned, I totally disagree that children would better
spend their time playing and studying rather than doing household chores. The
following two ideas can be valid evidences to back up my opinion. First, every
family member has a responsibility to do household chores. Second,
children can be rewarded by doing household chores. (인트로가 매우 좋습니다.)
To start with, it is unfair for parents to do all of the household chores. In fact, household
chores are hard tasks and require great amount of time. In the past, mothers
usually had a few small time to do what they liked because they should have done all of the household chores. However, in the modern society, many people agree that
mothers also have the rights to own their private time. In my case, my mother
could have only a few hours to take a rest because she had a lot to do. So, my
sister and I decided to help my mother by washing dishes and cleaning the living room. Consequently, my mother could spend much time reading books
or watching TV. This corroborates with my insistence that children should do
household chores because they also have duties to do them household chores. (household chores를 너무 반복적으로 쓰시면 글이 지루해 집니다. 대체를 할 수 있을 때는 해주셔요.)
On top of that, children can be rewarded by helping their
parents. To be specific, children are feel proud of themselves and feel a sense of accomplishment when they help
their parents by doing household chores. Also, parents can give pocket money or
small presents to their children as rewards, which make children be
happy. For example, when I was a child, I received a chocolate bar as the
reward. Because I really liked it, doing household chores was a good
opportunity for me to get what I really wanted. Consequently, I began to enjoy
it because every moment I finished to do doing household chores, I not only I felt proud of myself
but also I was rewarded by with chocolate bars. (by를 쓰시면 초코바에 의해서 상을 받았다는 표현이 되어서 틀렸습니다.) This anecdote shows how important it is
for children to do household chores.
To sum up, children have a responsibility to do household
chores. Also, doing household chores provides children with chances to get what
they want. In this regard, I completely side with the perspective that children should use their time to do household chores
rather than to play and study for the aforementioned
reasons.
Writing 0-30 Score Scale: Score: 26 (Good) Overall Comment: 매우 잘 쓰셨습니다. 포인트를 잘 잡아주셨고 논리도 충분한 근거로 잘 받쳐주셨어요. 다만 문법 오류가 조금 있어서 감점을 드렸어요. a/the 와 같은 전치사 사용에 아직 미숙하신 것 같으니, 더 연습하시면 더 좋은 글을 쓰실 수 있을 것 같습니다. 수고하셨어요. |