▶ Your Answer :
It has been widely debated whether
students should be rewarded based on their effort such as doing their best
rather than based on the result such as grades. People of different ages and
from different walks of life may take different positions on this controversial
issue. We cannot deny the fact that evaluating their academic performance plays
an important role on lives of most students. Personally, I disagree that
students should be guaranteed dependent rewarded based (어색한 단어 활용) on
their endeavor such as doing their best rather than dependent on the
achievement such as grades for the following two reasons. : success and reference (Colon
쓰는 법을 다시 확인하세요)
To begin with, it can be beneficial to the future career prospects. Some believe that it is better that students should be
rewarded relied on their effort rather than relied on their grades. Advocates
of this view may sound reasonable enough on the surface. They even cite a few
examples that sound logical. However, if we can take a closer look at them, the
rationale for their assertions lacks solid evidence for many ways. (이 부분을 전부 생략하는 편이 문단의 논리 전개가 훨씬 깔끔합니다.)
My personal examples can debunk their claims.
Students need a great high level of expertise to survive in the competitive
world. Therefore, if students should be able to
assess their performance based on their grades, they can get specialty to
become a bright mind in any fields. This is because students can be motivated by good grades more and
more. Let's take my sister H.Y as an example. She became a
successful designer because when she was in high school, she was compensated for based on her grades and thus she did her best
in order to get good grades. She is now recognized as one on of the most
successful figures her industry. Whenever,
she was asked the secret to her success, she used to say that she learned
skills by doing effort for a to increase her academic performance helped her get
competition in the field. For as H.Y, The insight she gained let her ahead of others. The
same applies to most students who are compensated for based on
their performance. They will also achieve great success.
In addition, beyond
my sister's experience, there is a considerable amount of research which can
support my contention. Understandably, a substantial amount of survey
respondents expressed doubts that are similar to mine. A few weeks ago, I had a
chance to read an article posted by my friend on Facebook about a survey that
is related to the topic. Of 5000 social media users surveyed at Seoul National
University. 65 percent answered that it is unfair that students should be
awarded their effort such as doing their best. The reason is that there are no
standards that guarantee students. To be specific, all students respectively
have different level of doing best. (문단의
point는 빈약하고 예시만 남아있습니다.)
Ultimately, because
of the examples related to success and reference (?), I can conclude that students should be
awarded relied based
on their endeavor like doing their best rather than relied on their consequence
like grades.
Writing 0-30 scale
Fair(17-23)
글의
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