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The majority of people in early to
mid-twenties are under illogical and stereotypical assumption
that students do reading by their own personality is less important than
reading assigned by
teachers. This notion, however, does not reflect the stance that I hold and
should be thought
about in a different light. I believe that student do reading by their own
personality is more
important because it enables them to make good results of academic
accomplishment relatively and enrich their lifestyle.
First, reading by their own personality allows students to make good
results of academic
accomplishment relatively. Initially, I rather thought that reading by their
own personality is less ,
significant for students. However, upon further reflection, my interest on this
topic increased
which led me to read(This
is because of the) relevant
tweet feeds on Twitter. According to the feeds, many students they could
not make better results in academic accomplishment relatively if they only did
reading
assigned by teachers and not did reading by their own personality. This
is because the reading
assigned by teachers would not give students motivations to read it
attentively. Therefore, they
could regard the task as being insignificant. This was enough to change my
initial thought, and I
learned that students do reading by their own personality is more
important than reading
assigned by teachers in order to make good results of academic accomplishment
relatively. 예시가 약합니다. 더 구체적인 예시를 선택하세요 예)자기 경험
Second, reading by their own personality allows students to enrich (their) lifestyles.(how?)
Interestingly, a
renowned social scientist in Korea published an online editorial in The Korean
Herald last Tuesday which claims that students do reading by their own
personality is more important in order to gain a lot of authentic knowledge to
remember for a long time. The survey in his report claimed that many students
thought that reading by their own personality as the most preferred way
of gaining a lot of authentic knowledge to remember for a long time. This
is because most students who do reading by their own personality were more
interested in reading and paid more attention to do reading. As a result,
it could help them to gain a ton of real knowledge and this knowledge
which was remembered for a long time became useful wisdom for
changing (their) lifestyles positively.
To sum up, students do reading by their own personality is more
important: making good results of academic accomplishment relatively and
enriching their lifestyle. Consequently, the importance of my view cannot be
underestimated in that it
can kill two birds with one stone for the reasons(how?) I have mentioned above. (결론에는 이유들을 요악한 후 글쓴이의
입장을 다시 표현하세요. 디테일은 필요 없습니다.)
Writing 0-30 Score Scale
Fair (17-23)
Overall Comment: 불필요한 디테일이 많습니다. 본론의 첫 번째 문단에서는 글쓴이의 입장이 바꿨다고 표현하지 마세요. 주장에
대한 설명으로 문단을 구성하세요. 본론의 첫 번째 문단의 예시가 약합니다. 다른 예시를 선택하세요. 예시를 설명하기 전에 주장에 대한 설명(논증)
2-3문장 붙이세요. 그리고, 이유들이 비슷합니다. (students reading by their own personality read more attentively) 다른
이유를 선택하세요. 문법 오류도 많습니다. 동사가 맞는지 꼭 확인해주세요.