As smartphone have (has been) invented,
Nowadays a time that people watch television and movies is too
much. some people argue that Television and movies have negative effects on
people, but other people say that television and movies have positive aspects
than negative aspects. I agree with the second opinion, thinking television and
movies are really helpful to us.
First, we can feel various emotions by experiencing indirectly. For example,
comedy shows make us laugh and we can get out (of) stress and feel much better.
In addition, watching television and movies means seeing talent (tv
stars) on television and screen, and 1) then we could like that
talent so that get a hobby related with that talent. there There is
a lot of people who feel happy see their talent (favorite tv stars) and
even 2)change their life, named "fan".and there is a people
not someone's fan, but just by watching drama or movies, they (people
can) feel main character's emotion and sympathy (sympathize) that
character, experiencing manifold person's life indirectly.
we could get to know more about our favorite tv
stars through it. Even, choose to support those stars off-line.
second (Secondly), there is (are) educational aspects. representative
(Representative) educational program is (contains) drama or movies
related with history. At first, just watch (watching) for fun eventually
get (gets) a lot of knowledge about history naturally not just historic
program is educational. program's (Program’s)
field is vast such as cooking, law, sports etc. we (We) can learn
various things through television and movies .
In conclusion, modern society is stressful to many people and they find method
to get rid of their stress. there is bad way to feel better. accordingly
many illness, crime is happening. Instead, watching television and movies could
gives us fun and happiness.
-People might fall
into negative ways to relive their stress, for example committing crimes or
doing drugs. However, if people watch tv and movies instead, they can get rid
of stress by laughing out loud and feel happy.
Grade : Limited (0-17)
Overall Comment : 서론, 본론, 결론의 내용 구성에
대해 정확히 공부하신
뒤에 문법에 맞게
문장을 작성하는 연습을
하시길 권장합니다. 한국식
영어 표현이 아닌
미국식 영어 표현을
익혀 다양한 어휘를
사용할 수 있는
것이 필요합니다.
(talent -> movie stars) 또한 문장의
시작은 꼭 대문자로
하고, 마침표는 문장이
완전히 마쳤을 때만
사용해주세요. 에세이 보다는
먼저 간단한 문장
작문 연습부터 선행이
된 후에 에세이를
연습하시는 것이 실력을
늘리는 데 도움이
될 것입니다.
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▶ Your Answer : As smartphone have invented, Nowadays a time that people watch television and movies is too much. some people argue that Television and movies have negative effects on people, but other people say that television and movies have positive aspects than negative aspects. I agree with the second opinion, thinking television and movies are really helpful to us. First, we can feel various emotions by experiencing indirectly. For example, comedy shows make us laugh and we can get out stress and feel much better. In addition, watching television and movies means seeing talent on television and screen, and then we could like that talent so that get a hobby related with that talent. there is a lot of people who feel happy see their talent and even change their life, named "fan". and there is a people not someone's fan, but just by watching drama or movies, they feel main character's emotion and sympathy that character, experiencing manifold person's life indirectly. second, there is educational aspects. representative educational program is drama or movies related with history. At first, just watch for fun eventually get a lot of knowledge about history naturally. not just historic program is educational. program's field is vast. such as cooking, law, sports etc. we can learn various things through television and movies. In conclusion, modern society is stressful to many people and they find method to get rid of their stress. there is bad way to feel better. accordingly many illness, crime is happening. Instead, watching television and movies could gives us fun and happiness. |
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