▶ Your Answer :
I think there will be a lot of opinions about studying methods: studying alone or with
teachers. Some people may think that they can study and learn by themselves without teachers because they have a variety of
materials such as the Internet. In my opinion, however, teachers are necessary things
when people learn since they cannot attend the lecture without teachers and ask
questions when they have difficulties in
understanding certain concepts while they study do not make sense about their study.
First of all, if we do not have a teacher, we cannot attend the
classes. Teachers teach us in a right way to understand materials that I learn in classes and
give us homework assignments. This will encourage us to gain a better
understanding of the materials. ->즉 lecture를 듣고 과제를 수행하는 것은 learning에
있어서 매우 중요한데, 교사 없이는 불가능하기 때문이라는 것인가요? 명확하게
정리, 비교하여 설명해주세요 When I
was a student, for example, I did not like to study and my parents are were worried about it. I went to school and met my teacher who made
me like studying. 같은 내용의 근거에 대한 예시일 경우 문단구분없이 붙여서 써주세요 She always
explained meticulously and friendly when I could not catch up with my
classmates and praised my homework that I did my best. This was a great
motivation for me and I felt the importance of teacher. In this sense, learning
from teachers is much more effective than studying by myself.
On top of that, teachers have considerable expertise in their
own subjects. Students, thus, can ask any questions about subjects
during classes. It is really helpful for them. For instance, I had a hard time
preparing for an English exam because English is my second language and I had no idea of it. I wanted
to study alone but I went to English academy. I made a lot of mistakes when I spoke and wrote
in English and my teacher fixed my error. I could ask for help from my teacher when I did not know grammar. As a result, I got good
grades in my English exam. On the other hands, my friend who did not take the
class could not pass the exam and she felt really regretful. That is why it is
important for people to have a teacher when they study. ->intro에서 언급했듯, 인터넷, 교재 등으로는
불가능 한가요? 이러한 혼자 공부하는 방법들과 직접적으로 비교해서 교사가 ~~한 점에서 더 낫다-라고 말해주면 더 좋겠습니다
Consequently, studying with teachers is better than studying by
myself. The reason is that students can learn in the best way to study effectively through participating in
classes and asking questions about what they do not know. Furthermore, by learning from teachers who have more
information and knowledge than me, I can able to rely on them whenever I have
difficulties about my studying.
Writing 0–30 score scale
Fair(16-22)
근거 자체는 설득력있고 좋은데, 다만 근거에
대한 설명이 충분히 되지 않은 상태에서 바로 사례를 제시하기 보다는, 근거를 좀 더 명확하게 전달한
뒤에 이를 뒷받침하는 정도로 본인의 사례를 사용해주세요. 현재는 예시 부분이 불필요하게 깁니다. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ |