▶ Your Answer :
People discuss
whether or not student's with clean room can be come greater more successful people
than those with messy one. people should first consider what conditions make
successful person. Generally speaking, people should focus on their job leading to greater success. In
this regard, students should maintain tidy room for their successful
achievement for the following reasons; first, the clean room is beneficial for
students to better concentrate, and second, the tidy room helps students find
their stuffs such as pen, notebooks or textbooks quickly.
By and large, the tidy room is helpful for the
students to focus on studying because the everything is already prepared
to study. In this case, students don't need to clean up their room to make
an area to study. (Not essential) For example, their desks are already cleaned
up, so they only need to put their stuffs to study on the desk. Moreover, there
is nothing to disrupt for student to study in the tidy room. From my personal
experience, my room was extremely messy with many comic books and several books
about video game, so that I could not concentrate to study. (Need concluding
parts)
Although the tidy room helps students to
concentrate to study, naysayers assert that the students with tidy room waste a lot of time
because they should clean up every
day.
(Why does
this logic come here? It can be an opponent’s claim) However, once they make
their room tidy, cleaning the room again takes pretty short time because they
only need to put their stuffs on fixed space. Moreover, it is really easy to
find their stuffs because everything in the tidy room is located in original
space. For this reason, students are able to save their precious time to find
things to study, so that they are able to more focus on their job.
In a nutshell, the tidy room is beneficial for
student to do their job because they are able to more concentrate and save time
to find stuffs for their job. Consequently, in order to be successful person,
students should make their room tidy.
채점기준표
|
Grammar
|
Contents
|
Example
|
Coherence
|
점수
|
2
|
2
|
2
|
2
|
Score
|
Limited 15-18
|
첫번째 주장에서는
comic books이나 여러가지 miscellaneous
things로 가득찬 방에서 집중할 수 없었다 하고 이야기가 마무리가 되는데, 만약에 방이
neat, cleaned했다면~ 더 집중도가 높아졌다는 내용을 예시로 들어 (전문적인 예시가 필요) 전개해주셔야 합니다. 두번째는 반대의 입장을 주장에 서술해주셨어요. 일관성있게 수정해주셔야 합니다.
|
|