These
days, it seems that the importance of doing part-time jobs is getting higher
than ever before. Regarding this social trend, many parents believe that their
teenage children can be educated socially and academically for their adult life
by working at part-time jobs. I also go along with the idea that taking
part-time jobs is one of the best ways to encourage teenagers to prepare for
their future life where many different people get along and interconnected with
each other. Two aspects will be discussed as basic but crucial reasons; taking
a part-time job can make teenagers build social skills, and also they can
contribute to the society by doing it.
Most
importantly, doing part-time jobs makes teenagers build social skills. In
general, people who take part-time jobs communicate with many different people
in the same place during the working time. Of course, some people might say
that teenagers can contact with others simply by going to school, so taking
part-time jobs is not the best way to raise social abilities. However, compared
to the school life, part-time jobs can give the opportunities for students to
meet many people who have different age and have a chance for social
experiences, especially in the case of part-time employees who work in cafés or
big family restaurants. To be specific, students can deal with the problems
between people who have dissimilar personalities by interacting and having a
conversation with others, so it will help them adjust to a new working
environment such as private companies. For example, I had worked on a busy café
nearby my house when I was in high school. I had a problem with a customer that
I had some mistakes calculating the price of two cups of coffee since it was
too busy. At first time, I cannot deal with the situation because I just
got panicked. However, after these kinds of mistakes repeated, I finally
realized that it will not be a big problem when I apologize quickly and give
the correct change. When I have some problems with my clients while I am
working in a business company now, I usually recall the memory during taking
a (of my) part-time job in café.
On top
of that, teenagers can contribute to the society by doing part-time jobs. When
teenagers are working as a tutor for young children, they have to teach academic
information to them. These days, many schools implement tutoring programs for
young children or orphans, and teenagers are also trying to do these works a
lot such as preparing instructing materials and delivering for young
children. In other words, these part-time jobs can give positive effects to the
society by passing learned information on other children for the later
generation. These effects would continue for a long time when students do not
stop taking tutoring part-time jobs.
Grade: Good (24-30)
Overall Comment : 결론과 두 번째 주장이 이어지지 않은
점으로 점수가 깎일 우려가 있습니다. 전체적인 구성과 이야기 전개는 훌륭합니다. 다만, 다양한 표현들과 문법을 보완해서 문장을 조금 더 실생활에서
사용하는 표현들로 작성 할 수 있도록 연습하시면 더욱 높은 점수를 기대할 수 있을 것입니다.
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▶ Your Answer : These days, it seems that the importance of doing
part-time jobs is getting higher than ever before. Regarding this social trend,
many parents believe that their teenage children can be educated socially and
academically for their adult life by working at part-time jobs. I also go along
with the idea that taking part-time jobs is one of the best ways to encourage teenagers
to prepare for their future life where many different people get along and
interconnected with each other. Two aspects will be discussed as basic but
crucial reasons; taking a part-time job can make teenagers build social skills,
and also they can contribute to the society by doing it.
Most importantly, doing part-time jobs makes teenagers
build social skills. In general, people who take part-time jobs communicate
with many different people in the same place during the working time. Of
course, some people might say that teenagers can contact with others simply by
going to school, so taking part-time jobs is not the best way to raise social
abilities. However, compared to the school life, part-time jobs can give the
opportunities for students to meet many people who have different age and have
a chance for social experiences, especially in the case of part-time employees
who work in cafés or big family restaurants. To be specific, students can deal
with the problems between people who have dissimilar personalities by
interacting and having a conversation with others, so it will help them adjust to
a new working environment such as private companies. For example, I had worked
on a busy café nearby my house when I was in high school. I had a problem with a
customer that I had some mistakes calculating the price of two cups of coffee since
it was too busy. At first time, I cannot deal with the situation because I just
got panicked. However, after these kinds of mistakes repeated, I finally realized
that it will not be a big problem when I apologize quickly and give the correct
change. When I have some problems with my clients while I am working in a business
company now, I usually recall the memory during taking a part-time job in café.
On top of that, teenagers can contribute to the
society by doing part-time jobs. When teenagers are working as a tutor for young
children, they have to teach academic information to them. These days, many
schools implement tutoring programs for young children or orphans, and teenagers
are also trying to do these works a lot such as preparing instructing materials
and delivering for young children. In other words, these part-time jobs can give
positive effects to the society by passing learned information on other
children for the later generation. These effects would continue for a long time
when students do not stop taking tutoring part-time jobs. |
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