▶ Your Answer :
Some people
believe that young people should select a job in the same field as their
parents. However, I disagree with this opinion. In my opinion, I think it is
better for young people to get a different career for themselves. One can experience
more joy in pursuing their personal career, and does not have to live up to
their parents’
expectations. To begin with, young people can feel more fun and joy
when they follow their own career instead of getting a job that is in the same
field as their parents. If young people picked their own jobs, young people would learn more if
they challenged and solved their own problems. <- 더 challenging 한 tasks 가 왜 더
fun and joyful 한가요? In the movie ‘October Sky’,
Homer decided that he wants to become a rocket scientist. As he launched
rockets, he experienced many failures. But Homer also learned from these
failures, and tried to solve the problem of his rocket. Home On top of
that, young people do not have live up
to their parents’ expectations. If young people were to choose the job
they wanted, they can choose their own goals, and feel no pressure from their
parents. <- 같은 직업을 고르면 더 많은 expectation 을 요구하나요? 더 요구하면 왜 안좋나요? For example, in the movie ‘Eddie the Eagle’, Eddie wants to become an Olympian, but his dad wants him to become
a plasterer. Eddie refuses, and finally competes in the Olympics. He chose a
goal, and achieved it. Because he chose his career, he received no pressure. <- parents 와 same job 하는 것과 관련성이 있나요? To sum up,
young people can enjoy the job they chose instead of a career related to their
parents, and they do not have to live up to their expectations. In this regard,
I disagree that it is better for young people to select a job in the same field
as their parents. Writing 0-30 Score
Scale Limited (0-16)
Overall Comment: 내용 설명이 많이 부족해요. Body 1 에서 왜 더 fun/joyful
하는지 설명 해주세요. Body 2 에서도 위에 코멘트 한 부분 반영 해주세요. Example 모두 다 parents 와 같은 직업/다른 직업 내용과는 거리가 멀어요. 문제와 관련성 있는 설명/예시 적어주세요! |