▶ Your Answer : Undoubtedly, politeness
plays an significant role in people’s daily lives in many of the places where they
play or work. Some people might say that people have to maintain their polite
attitude toward the others, while others do not agree it. Both sides may have
their own reasons to support their views. If I were asked to choose one, I
would say that it is impossible for people to be polite. There are several
reasons as follows. To begin with, modern people
spend most of their time developing their expertise to achieve success, so they
cannot afford to be polite. As modern society is becoming rapidly competitive and
specialized, today’s job markets require job candidates with such professionalism.
Although these people have an extensive knowledge in their field, they are unlikely
to spare their free time doing what they enjoy. <- 이 내용과 politeness 의
관계는 무엇인가요? For instance, Harvard University found a huge
difference between two groups of young adults in employment rates. One group
consisted of those who spent their vacations studying and maintaining their
hectic schedule, and the other group was made up of those who spent their
vacations freely. The researchers found that the former was likely to have a
higher employment rate than the latter. However, most of them slept less than
six hours a day, met their friends and family less than two hours a week, and
had no hobby. This implies that specialization is the key to success in modern
society, it does not necessarily mean that it makes them kind. Success 에 대한 에세이 쓰는게 아닙니다.
Politeness 중심으로 에세이 써주세요. On top of that, a widening gap
between the rich and the poor in modern world discourages people from being
easily satisfied with what they have. Money allows people to have
opportunities to succeed through better education, better learning environment,
and better people. When the poor notice different conditions they are born
with, they are likely to feel powerless and depressed. For example, when my
sister was in high school, she often felt depressed thinking that her life
became an exhausting routine. To survive in competitive world, she spent whole
day studying all academic subjects, hoping that she could outdo others.
However, it was not easy because everyone was working as hard as she was, and
some rich students even took additional classes at cram schools. She felt
powerless and even lonely because it is difficult to make friends she could
rely on; all of them seemed busy and indifferent to others. They even treated
each other as rivals. In this environment, it would be impossible for her to be
polite. All
things considered, it is my belief that my argument regarding this topic has
been effectively and precisely delivered with the reasons mentioned above.
Never should we forget that this issue may have a huge impact on our future. Writing 0-30 Score
Scale Fair (17-23)
Overall Comment: 전체적으로 어떤 이야기 하려는지 알거 같아요. 하지만, 문제와 너무 동떨어져 있어요. Impolite 해질수 밖에 없는 사회 구조에 대한 이야기를 많이 하셨는데, 이것이 왜/어떻게 사람들을 impolite
하게 만들었는지 이야기 해주세요. 가장 핵심적인 단어는 impoliteness
입니다. 거기에 맞춰서 이야기를 풀어가보세요! |