▶ Your Answer :There might be some people who beilieve believe that people should hastliy hastily decide to do somethings,
while others do not. Both sides have their own reasons to support their views.
If I had to choose one, I would say that people should not hastliy hastily decide to do somethings. There is a
significant reason as follows.
To begin with, when people hastliy hastily decide to do
somethings, it can deter them to improve negatively affects their work
performance,(<-뒤의 advice관련 내용을 보았을 때, work
performance라는 단어는 부적절해 보입니다. 본인의 주장이 “Hasty decisions은 틀리기 쉽다”는 주제문에 동의하는 것이므로, 이 근거를 주변사람들로 부터 조언을 받을 시간이 없기 때문이다-라고만
해도 충분하겠습니다(뒤에서 decision을 내릴 때에 advice가 왜 중요한지에 대해 충분히 설명하고 있으므로)) because they have no chance to so they should ask many experts or teachers for advice
before making decisions. Advice serves as a tool to help people correct their mistakes, stay out of
trouble, and improve themselves. When people decide to do something after well
taking such advice well, it is likely to bring a better result. For
instance, many research teams, including the Tokyo Research Team, analyzed
two groups of young adults who had managed thier their store. One
group consisted of those who had organized their shop after taking
advice from five management analysts or more, and the other group was made
of those who had just decided to organized their store
without it. The researcher found that the former was more likely to
have a higher annual income than the latter. In particular, the
first group showed a higher accuracy in understanding customers, so
they could come up with greater marketing plan. On the
other hand, the second group tended to be less skillful at
managing their shops, and they even
had difficulty dealing with their employees. This clearly
shows that deciding after spending much time taking
advice is the key to success. 이 내용은 advice의
중요성에 대해서만 이야기하고있고 hasty decision에 대한 이야기가 없는데, 주제는 advice가 아니라 hasty
decision이므로, 오히려 중요한 결정을 내릴 때에 주변의 조언 없이 급하게 결정했다가
실패한 사례 등을 제시해주는 것이 더 적절해보입니다. When people make hasty decisions, they would fall behind.
All thing considered, I strongly believe that the disadvantages
of hasty descions decisions far outweight outweigh its advantages for the reason I have mentioned above. ->hasty decisions의 장점은 뭔가요?
All in all, the importance of advice cannot overestimated in the
pursuit of success in life.
Writing 0–30 score scale
Limited (13-15)
일단 하나의 근거만을 제시하게 되면 좋은 점수를 받기는 어렵습니다. 단순하게 hasty decision이 틀리기 쉬운 이유를 두 가지
제시하고(주변의 조언을 받을 수 없다 등) 불필요하게 길게
통계자료를 설명하는 데에 시간을 할애하기 보다는 본인의 경험을 제시하더라도 요점만 전달하고 두 가지 근거 이상을 꼭 제시해주는 편이 더 좋겠습니다. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ |