▶ Your Answer :
An ongoing
debate exists over whether loaning money to friend can damage the friendships or not.
Regarding this controversial issue, I strongly support the saying "you
lose money and you lose friend".(“loaning money to friend is losing both money and
friend” 등) The reasoning behind my thinking is that the
pursuit of money makes people disregard their friendships. What is more, loans
from friends are not seriously considered.
To begin with, money sometimes makes people so
selfish and greedy that even friendships seem meaningless to them. This largely
results from the fact that people believe the saying "money talks".(어떠한 특정 표현을 인용하고 싶다면, 이에 대한 설명을 붙여주세요. Money talks가 무슨 의미이며, 내가 무슨 뜻으로 이 말을 인용하고 싶은것인지) The main reason is that when hard-earned money(hard earnings) is not paid back on time, lenders become
furious and hold grudges against borrowers, regardless of their friendships. To
be specific, there is a countless number of cases dealt with hostile friends
fighting over unpaid money. Lenders often file lawsuits against their friends
who borrowed money from them. In return, borrowers feel extremely betrayed and
hurt by their cold-hearted friends who seem to value their money more than
their friendships. In this respect, money transaction among friends
unquestionably damages friendships.
-> 돈을 제때 갚지 않는 다는 것을 전제로 한 주장인데, 제때
갚으면 애초에 문제가 없을 부분들입니다. 따라서 실제로는 돈을 제때 갚지 못하게 되는 경우가 발생하기
쉽고, 돈을 빌려주게 되면 다툼, 문제 발생가능성을 높인다는
점에서 친구관계에 악영향을 미친다-정도로 표현하는 편이 더 좋겠습니다
Another reason is that loans from friends are
not taken seriously. This is because relationships based on familiarity and
fondness cause borrower to take the money for granted and care little about
punctuality in repayment. In my own experience, when I was a freshman in
university, my friend asked me lend him two hundred dollars. Without any hesitation, I lent him the
cash without any written agreement or repayment plan. Unfortunately, my friend
neglected to repay the money. Therefore, whenever I saw him, I started to feel
bitter and doubted to on his trustworthiness. 근거자체는 괜찮은데, 이를 설명할 때, 은행등 “기관에서 빌릴 때와는 다른게 informal한 형태로 빌려주다보니” 이 돈이 가볍게 여겨질 가능성이
높다는 식의 비교하는 말이 들어가면 더 좋겠습니다.
To conclude, although each person may
hold a different position on this issue, I firmly believe that financial
interaction among friends seriously damage their friendships.
Writing
0–30 score scale
Fair(20-24)
전체적으로 큰 실수없이 단어도 다양하게 사용하며 잘 쓰셨는데, 위에서
언급한 것처럼 어떠한 말을 인용할 때는 이에 대한 설명을 해주시면 좋겠고, conclusion에도 좀
더 살을 붙여주시면 좋겠습니다. 또한 첫 번째 근거에서, 돈을 제때 갚지 않는 다는 것을 전제로 한 주장이므로, 좀
더 완화시켜서 표현하는 편이 적절해 보입니다. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ |