"Some people 어쩌고, but other people 어쩌고"처럼 획일화된 글들만 보다가 오랫만에 보는 좋은 글이군요.
영어 실력도 상당하시고요. 그러나, 털어서 먼지 안나는 사람 없듯이 ㅋㅋ
전체적으로 글을 지나칠 정도로 편하게 쓰셨다는 느낌이 듭니다.
하지만, 매우 잘 쓰셨기 때문에 만약 제가 채점관이라면 최소 5.5를 드리고,
기분 상태에 따라 6.0도 드릴듯...
To change or not to change. This is a very sophisticated question, for both convey many vice and virtues. If we always remain the same and do not alter our usual habits, we will never improve and have the possibility of being left behind. However, if we change rapidly and always experience new stuff, you have the possibility of losing your identity. Moreover, the experience could have a negative influence on you. In my personal opinion, I would still like to change myself, not only because it enables you to keep on the latest technology and experiences, but also because change makes you experience many things, and I love changes and fresh experiences.
1) we will never improve and have the possibility of being left behind 를 읽으면 we will never improve and (we will never) have the possibility of being left behind 처럼 생각됩니다. 물론, 생각해 보면 의미상 we will never improve and (we will) have the possibility of being left 임을 알 수 있지만요...하지만, 가능하다면 읽는 사람을 위해서 ambiguity를 최대한 제거해 주시면 좋겠죠...
2) stuff 이라는 단어가 TWE 에 어울리는지 의구심이 많이 듭니다.
3) "우리"가 너무 변하면 "당신"이 정체성을 잃는다...we와 you가 둘 다 일반인을 의미하는 주어로 사용될 수 있긴 하지만, 일치는 시켜 주셔야겠죠.
To begin with, as the tsunami of digital era struck our world, many changes have occured, and we should adapt them into our daily lives. Our technology has been advanced by hundred of times compared to 1900, merely about a century ago. The interesting part is, according to the theory of singularism, the changes will become more and more rapid as time goes by. Not far from today, we will be able to see cars flying, robots doing all our domestic work, and us colonizing the solar system. The changes will be so rapid that it will affect our daily lives. Just considering the 20th century alone, computers and cars have changed our lives a 180 degrees. Imagine what it wuold be like in the end of the 21st century. As these changes occur, the smart thing to do will definately be following the flow and adapting the new technology. To put it simple, I would definately use my calculators to solve astronomical calculus problems rather than solving (them) in my head. I would also make an automated system of production compared to hiring imperfect employees and paying them high bills to do the work.
1) Our technology has been advanced 보다는 Our technology has advanced 가 더 낫지 않을까 싶은데...egg님 생각은 어떠세요?
2) paying them high bills 보다는 paying them high wages 는 어떨까요?
Moreover, I love to change and very much enjoy new experiences. For example, I seldom order a meal that I have already ate before, unless the meal was fantastic. When I go to another country for vacation, I don't have travel agents planning everything for me; I try to live in the local culture, booking the hotel rooms, eat all their native food and going around famous places by myself. I try to talk to people on the road in their native language, and enjoy it. Also, if any of my teachers rebuke me of one of my negative habits, I try my best to ameliorate or eliminating it. I rode on the 90 degrees 13 seconds dropping rollar coaster as soon as I was tall enough, and tried skydiving and bungie-jumping when I was just eleven. I went to Europe all by myself when I was fifteen and went to a boarding school since I was sixteen. As the examples illustrate, I love changes and new experiences.
1) I try to live in the local culture, booking the hotel rooms, eat all their native food and going around famous places by myself. 에서 동사병치가 이상하네요. I try to live in the local culture, book the hotel rooms, eat all their native foods and go around famous places by myself 가 더 깔끔하지 않나 싶네요.
2) I try my best to ameliorate or eliminating it -> I try my best to ameliorate or eliminate it.
3) 이 글의 목적은 Explain why에 있지 않나요? 근데 이 문단에서는 "내가 변화를 즐긴다는 증거들"을 나열하셨네요. 왜 이런 내용을 쓰신 건지 이해가 잘....-_-;;;
As mentioned above, I love changing myself and experiencing new things because the advanced technology offers so many new things and also due to the fact that I personally prefer changing and doing things that I have never done before. As the saying goes, "Life has no reason if you don't change."