Most of people dreams to success in their lives. Everyone does their best on their own ways to achieve success. We might wonder how to become a successful people. Some people might contends that doing things what they are used to is better way to achieve their goals. Since people knows how to do things well, there can be more possible chance to success in one field. In my opinion, however, doing well in one field is not what successful people do. They should try new things even though there are some risks. There are two compelling reasons for my argument.
First, the change can make people developed. People do not know what they are good at it at once. They have to try various kinds of new things to know themselves. They might find at least one what they can do well and success in that area. There could be some disadvantages when they tried to do new things. However, I think they have to figure out solutions to achieve what they desire. The recent research well illustrate my statement. In the research, researchers compare two different types of workers. One worker did same thing over and over again, and the other one did new things every week. The result was that the worker who did new things had twenty eight percent more successful results on his job. E even though he has to adjust in the work every week. This demonstrates that trying new things is are more valuable to success.
Second, the employers are more likely to hire ing creative people. In the past, it was more vital to follow the formats. However, as we are entering 21st th century, people are trying to escape from formal thoughts and thinking outside of the box. People desire to have a difference from others and be special. This shows well in the interview. In the past, employers tends to ask interviewees rs about formal questions. However these days, they tends to ask open ended questions which people never thought about before.
In conclusion, change makes people developed and trying new things to become a creative person are essential to be a successful people.
Limited/Fair (15-18)
서론
-most of people 복수. 따라서 dreams-->dream
-everyone 문법상 단수입니다. 따라서 do-->does
첫번째 본문
-설명을 좀더 본인의 주장과 이유에 집중해서 해주세요. 새로운 것을 시도하면 단점이 있을 수 있다 등의 내용은 불필요합니다.
-문장 두 개 ,로 이을 수 없습니다. 등위 접속사 and 이용해주세요.
-성공적인 무엇인지 무엇에 대한 것을 더 자세히 써주세요. results
-even though 주어+동사 는 완전한 문장이 아닙니다. 주어+동사 even though, 주어+동사 혹은 even though 주어+동사, 주어+동사 로 써주세요.
-that절 주어 동사 필요합니다. 따라서 try 동사 trying 동명사로 바꿔주세요.
-trying 단수이므로 are-->is
두번째 본문
-employ는 고용하다의 동사입니다. 고용주는 employers 입니다.
-to 부정사에서는 to+동사 원형입니다. hiring-->hire
-we are 동사 are 필요합니다.
-21은 twenty first로 읽힙니다. 따라서, 21st 입니다.
-people 뒤에 동사 필요합니다. 따라서 are 삽입해주세요.
-interview를 당하는, 보는 사람은 interviewee 입니다.
-they 복수이므로 tends-->tend
결론
-try-->trying 동사-->동명사
문법 오류 상당히 많습니다. 기본적인 실수들도 많습니다. 기초부터 공부 탄탄히 해주세요.
두번째 본문, 인터뷰에서 창의적인 질문을 한다고 성공과 직결되는 것은 아닙니다. 좀더 성공과 어떤 연관이 있는지 설명해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~