▶ Your Answer :
The topic whether or not drivers should
pay a fee do drive rush hour has been a topic of controversy. (This
topic is so debatable.) This is because every person has
a different opinion depending on (relying on)
their perspectives. In my opinion, however, it
is more useful to let drivers pay a fee when there
is heavy traffic, (in rush hour) or on holidays for the following
reasons.
First of all, this
method is the best way to (one that) reduce
the heavy traffic jam. (From now on,) Many organizations
have worked together to solve this problem, however, their attempts have not
been so successful.
It is because people always put their
needs before the public interest. (institutions related to the traffic conditions has
tried to change this severe situation. But most of their attempts were useless
since people's personal stuffs-coming to their office on time, meeting their
important business parter and so on-are more important than anything else.)
After all, more effective (strong) ways are
required to solve this problem. I think the (number
one) most efficient way (measure) is making drivers pay a fee. For example, in
my country, drivers have to pay a fee (in traffic jam situation) on some
highways and on holidays during rush hour. (while most of highways are
always free.) There was a research conducted
by the KRTA (The Korean Road Traffic Authority). The
purpose of this research was to find out how efficient paying a fee is.
What they found was very intriguing.( On holidays, the traffic on highways
without particular fees was roughly ten times high than the traffic on highways
having special fees. 무슨 의미인지 모르겠네요.)
The reason was mainly due to the fact that people
tend to avoid situation where they have to spend
money unnecessarily. (money is the best factor making people change
their minds.)
Second, the government
can use the money collected
from the drivers on (for) other useful businesses.
(things if the fees are accumulated enough to use it.) Recently our country’s
financial conditions are getting worse. So
Many people who need the government’s helps have had a hard time. If
the money is used to help people who are less fortunate, it can help improve so
many lives. (we use that money that has gathered through the special
fees, their lives would be improved more.) For instance,
a friend of mine is a handicapped man who needs financial aid from the
government. (I know a disabled man that has become a beneficiary of the
system mentioned above.) He needed to buy a
car since it took him 3 hours to get to his
working place. He needed a special car made for
disabled people which was very expensive for him to buy. (But a normal
car without special devices for disabled persons was useless. He absolutely
needed the car with special devices that were so expensive that he could not
buy it.) Fortunately, he received some money from
the government so that he could buy the car. The money he got was from the fees
that those drivers paid. (the helps of the government. The government
gave the money to him that had formed through the fees that drivers had payed
for.) Thanks to aid, he can now commute by his own
car.
All things considered, paying a fee is so necessary.
It is my belief that my opinions has been efficiently delivered with the reasons
mentioned above. Never should we forget that it has a great impact on our
future.
Writing Score (0-30): 20-21
Score (0-5): 3.00-3.25
Grammar & Feedback: 문법적 오류와 어색한 표현들이 많았습니다. 첫 번째 body
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