▶ Your Answer :
Today, advertisement is one of the subjects of controversy. Some people think that
advertisements just introduce new products which improve people’s lives.
However, I disagree with the statement. I strongly believe that advertisements
encourage people to buy goods that they don’t need.
(which actually do not need.) There are two reasons why I think that and I will
explain the reasons in my essay.
First of all, many advertisements show only the benefits of the products. (benefits to
people.) Advertisements usually don’t show (erase
the product’s) negative perspectives of the
products. (intentionally.) Therefore, people can
only see the positive aspects of the
products. (product’s or service’s advantages on advertising.) This leads to impulse buying.
(people to wrong spending.) There is one
research conducted by Seoul National
University in 2014. According to this research, 67% responded
that they’d had a bad experience with advertising. (of people experienced
unsatisfied consumption because of advertising.) Especially, one of them
mentioned that he bought a computer after he had
seen a TV commercial, (by seeing advertising,) however, the product was defective and the commercial did not
inform about it. (there was huge defect on product which advertising did
not tell.)
Secondly, the purpose of
advertisements is (all of advertisements purpose) to make people
purchase the products. (ultimately.) Without a
doubt, a company advertises their new products to sell as many as they can. (even
though the products is not actually requirements. 무슨 의미인지 모르겠네요.) For
example, cell phone companies (sell-phone-company)
such as Apple or Samsung, advertise their new version of
smartphones despite the fact that there is not much difference between the
previous one and the new one. (new product does not change much compare
with previous version.) However, the companies introduce their new product like
it changes a lot and people are enthusiastic.
To sum up, I firmly agree with the statement
that advertising makes people (to) buy
useless products for two reasons; it only focuses on the benefits of the product (notice
only product’s benefits) and sales. (focus
on sale only. )
Writing Score (0-30): 18-20
Score (0-5): 2.75-3.00
Grammar & Feedback: 문법적 오류와 어색한 표현들이
많았습니다. 글에 설득력이 부족 합니다. 수고하셨어요.