▶ Your Answer :
Some people say that when you make money,
spending it immediately is better. However, in my opinion, saving money you
earn is more effective later. This is because if you spend your money right
away, you are it is likely to use it inappropriately. Also if you save money, you can
use it later when you really need to spend money.
First, spending money right away can be
impulsive. Let's say there is a friend who likes to spend money just after
earning. Whenever he has money, he tends to buy clothes and electronic devices
although it is actually not necessary. At first, he may feel happy but he would
realize that he I did not need to buy them. Also he cannot collect much money
later. For example, there was a survey conducted by Seoul National University
to determine how people spend their money. First group was consisted of people
who like to spend money right away. Second group was comprised of people who
tend to save money. The researchers confirmed that how both group use their
money. Second group was more likely to spend their money more deliberately and
they did not regret their choice while first group tended to buy some stuff
impulsively whatever they want and they did not use most of them soon. As a result, sSecond
group was more competent to spend their money.
Second, by saving money, you can use it
when you need much money. Nowadays, it is not easy to ask parents money
whenever you need. However, if you have some money in your account, you can use
it when you want such as traveling abroad, buying a laptop note book and buying
expensive gifts for your girlfriend or friends. For example, I have had a habit
which was saving saves money when I received some pocket money from my relatives. As such,
when I became 20 years old, I could collect some money in my bank. When my
college friends told me to go to the trip to abroad, I did not need to ask my
parents and could afford for it because of my saved ing money. As a result, I
could enjoy my traveling with my friends more fun and I did not spare my money
at all.
To sum up, if you spend money right away, it is
easy to spend money to things that you do not need. Also if you keep your
money, you will be able to do something more meaningful later with the money.
In this regard, I prefer saving money you earn to spending it instantly.
Good (24-27) 서론 -앞에 you 가 주어인데, it으로 받는 것은 적절하지 않습니다.
첫번째 본문 -네번째 줄에서, 글쓴이가 설명하는 방식을 쭉 이어가는 것이 더 자연스럽습니다. -파란 부분 이해가 어렵습니다. The researchers recorded how both groups use their money (이런 의도로 쓰신거라면 ) 이렇게 바꿔주세요. -충동적으로:impulsively 라고 써주세요. -대소문자 오류 두번째 본문 -영어에선 노트북 컴퓨터가 note book이 아니라 laptop입니다. -네번째 줄에서, which는 habit을 받고 있습니다. 따라서, which saves라고 하면, habit saves 와 같은 맥락이 되므로, 부적합한 표현입니다. habit이 save하는 대상이 되는 의미가 되기 때문입니다. saving은 내가 하지만, 나의 habit에 대한 설명이므로, which was saving이라고 바꿔주세요. -내가 모아둔 돈 이라고 표현하는 것이 더 자연스럽습니다. saved money
본문 내용 둘 다 괜찮습니다. 문법/표현 적 오류 유의하고 연습해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~ |