▶ Your Answer : It is debatable weather the government should invest on environment problems than economic ones. (주제 문장 내 단어를 동의어를 활용하여 paraphrase 해 주세요) This is an intriguing topic because opinions concerning this issue can be different relying on the individual perspectives. However, in my opinion, I support that the government definitely has to focus on the environment matters. To begin with, the environment issues have a negative impact on people’s heath. In fact, the government is responsible for the public’s health. If the government continues to overlook this problems, the consequences can be worse than people think. For example, I will give my county Korea as an good example. In the year 2016, a new public transportation policy that increased the number of buses, subways and transfer fee decreased was enacted to promote people to use the public transportation and reducing air pollution. After a year, I read a newspaper article that the percentage of people who made use of buses and subways rose by up to 30%. Plus, the air pollution also diminished up to 20%. This shows that the government’s active support is necessary to solve the environment problems. On top of that, the environment should never come second place because the environment cannot be recovered once the environment is destroyed. If we think about the next generation to come, we must do everything we can to protect the environment, even though it takes a huge amount of money. There was a poll conducted by the Korean ministry of the environment in 2014, with 200 citizens as respondents. The purpose of the survey was to determine the consensus of view about what the government should spend its budget on. The majority of respondents ranked the environment issues over any others. An overwhelming 76% replied that the environment problems was serious nowadays; they also agreed that the government should put emphasis on the environment matters more than anything else since it is hard to establish a completely renewed ecosystem with our technology. This proves that all people concern about pollutions. Also, they think that these issues are related to the quality of people’ lives directly. To sum up, the environmental protection is essential for people’s living. It is also important for people to protect the environment since it cannot be recovered. Thus, the government has to prioritize to invest its budget on the environmental protection.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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GOOD
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FAIR
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FAIR
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GOOD
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GOOD
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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- 2nd paragraph에서 환경이 파괴될 경우 다시 회복될 수 없다는 reason에 좀 더 맞게 example을 보충 및 재구성할 필요가 있습니다. |