It is debatable whether communicating with colleagues or classmate in person is better than through emails in order to do a project. This is an intriguing question because it will be different relying on the individual perspectives. In my opinion, hHowever, I strongly agree with the statement that iIt is better for colleagues or classmates to communicate through emails than in person in order to do a project for the following reasons.
First of all, I can save a lot of time by communicating with classmate or coworkers through emails when for doing a project. I believe that time is gold these days. Emails are so convenient because I can use it whenever or wherever I want to. Let me give you an example to illustrate my point. I am a mother of two kids, a boy of three and a girl of six. Also, I am working at an advertisement company. I am so busy with housework and caring for my children. Before I go to work, I always prepare breakfast for my children and my husband. After work, I often go to park or museums and eat out at fancy restaurants to spend time with my children. So whenever I have a project with my colleagues, I communicate with them through emails. While playing with my children at a park, I can check project data sent from my colleagues through e-mail. Therefore, iIt is really convenient to me.
On top of that, communicating through emails is more efficient to communicate with others. This is because people can use useful materials such as videos, pictures for their projects. To be more specific, wWhen I was in college, I used email to prepare my team project on nuclear fission. And one of the useful materials was YouTube, which allows many online users to share videos. We did not know what exactly nuclear fission is. So I searched videos from the YouTube and sent several videos about nuclear fission to my team members through email. Thus, wWe could obtain useful information such as nuclear fission process and how to develop nuclear energy source. It was really helpful for our project.
In conclusion, I think emails are the best method to communicate with colleagues or classmates for doing a project. All things considered, iIt is my belief that my argument regarding this topic has been effectively and precisely delivered with the reasons mentioned above.
Fair (17-21)
서론
-대소문자 오류
첫번째 본문
-for 은 because의 의미나, ~을 위해 라는 의미로 많이 쓰입니다. 이 경우에는 둘다 어색하므로, when으로 써주시면 프로젝트 할때에~ 라는 뜻이 되므로 더 자연스럽습니다.
-대소문자 오류
-내용상, 일이 끝나고 집안일/육아를 즐긴다, 시간을 보낸다 보다는 강하게 써주세요. 이메일을 보내지 않고 in person으로 하면 너무 일상(집안일/육아)에 지장을 준다를 강조해주시면 좀더 설득력이 높아집니다.
두번째 본문
-두번째 줄에서, pictures와 병렬이므로, video도 복수로 써주세요.
-대소문자 오류
-밑줄 친 부분 불필요한 내용입니다.
-밑줄 친 부분을 포함해서, 주제와 좀 벗어나게 쓰셨습니다. 이메일이 직접 대면보다 좋은 이유/혹은 직접 대면이 이메일보다 현저하게 좋지 않은 이유를 써주셔야 하는데, 전반적으로 인터넷의 장점을 쓰신 것 같습니다. 좀더 내용을 본인의 주장과 토픽과 연결시켜 쓰는 연습 해주세요.
결론
-대소문자 오류
수고하셨습니다~~