▶ Your Answer : Children's intellectual, social, and personal development is highly influenced by media they see. With this understanding, I disagree that television and movies have more negative effects than positive effects on children's behavior for two reasons. This is because television and movies enable children to relieve stress and enjoy a better quality of life. First, television and movies provide more outlets to relieve stress on children.
Understanding the daily environment of children and the potential role of media they look is necessary to substantiate this view. Once they are at school, they have to endure countless textbooks and continue to read more even at home. Such exhausting routine repeats itself and eventually wears down them. As a way to manage the ensuing stress, children can watch television programs or movies such as Disney animation. Even if it is only for a short time, this refreshes their minds from the intense mental pressure from school. In this regard, I believe that television and movies have more positive effects on children's behavior than negative effects. Second, television and movies give more chances to enjoy a better quality of life., Interestingly, a renowned social scientist in South Korea published an article in "The Korea Herald" last Thursday which claims that watching television programs and movies enables children to live happier lives. Watching television programs and movies has opportunity to increase their life satisfaction. For instance, wWatching television programs to such as Disney animation has psychological benefits. It helps to detract focus from studying and personal issues. In other words, television and movies provide the convenience for children to seek challenge that invoke feelings of joy and energetic minds like the characters of program and movies they see and they behave like that. To sum up, I believe that television and movies have more positive effects than negative effects for the following reasons : to relieve stress and enjoy a better quality of life. Consequently, the importance of my view cannot be underestimated for the reasons I have mentioned above.
Fair (17-23) 첫번째 본문 -this (단수) refreshes -또한, 재충전하다의 의미는 freshes보다는 refreshes가 더 적절합니다.
두번째 본문 -첫문장에서, 동사가 없습니다. -마지막에 쉼표도 마침-->오류 -연두색 부분, 첫번째 본문과 같은 예시입니다. -파란색부분 첫번째 본문의 예시/설명과 상당히 비슷합니다. 두 본문의 내용을 더 많이 상이하게 해주세요.
같은 문단 안에서 줄바꿈 절대 하지 말아주세요. 서론-줄바꿈-본문1-줄바꿈-본문2-줄바꿈-결론 으로 해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~ |