▶ Your Answer:
Do you
believe that children are capable enough to make decisions on their own (future)?
Some may disagree by arguing that children are not mature enough to make (determine) important decisions in life, thus
parents should spend time helping them. However, I believe that it is better
for children to be more independent in the decision making process for two
reasons which I will discuss in the following essay.
First
of all, the involvement of parents in determining the future of their children
may hinder them from searching for their real area of interest. Usually,
parents want their children to get a stable job that has high salary. Typical
jobs include doctors, lawyers and engineers. With their preference for these
jobs, children may decide to get (getting) a
stable job that their parents want, without considering what they really enjoy
doing. For instance, my parents wanted my sister to be a doctor, not only
because her (she had a high) GPA was high enough to get into medical school, but
also because she could get a high pay. She never wanted to be a doctor, but
decided to apply to medical schools just because of our parents' wish (desire). Currently, she is an E.N.T doctor
but she often tells me that she has never enjoyed studying the medical field
since the first day of college. This personal experience of mine substantiates
that parents’
involvement in the decision making of children regarding their future can be
rather detrimental.
Second
of all, children can learn how to develop skills to become more independent and
be capable of decision making. When entering
a society, people face countless and various
situations that need decision making. Thus, the capability of making decisions
is an important skill (trait) children need(s)
to develop. However, parents helping children can hinder this trait from
developing if (when) they spend much time or
even more time than their children on their future.
(to make decisions for the children's life.) Children can
lose their independency and it is highly unlikely that they can make great
choices in the future. Instead of being independent, they are likely to rely on
others. Even the current Korean president, who had strict parents that decided
everything for him, (including his major in
college for him,) once said in a public speech that he was incapable of making
decisions and struggled to work with others in college. Clearly, parents
helping children to determine future careers may not always result in
consequences that can benefit the children.
In
conclusion, parents should not spend too much time and effort when determining
their children’s future. It can hinder the progress
of searching for their true interests and developing skills to become
independent individuals who are capable of making their own decisions. (impede
them for searching for their true interest and hinder them from developing
skills to become independent individuals who are capable of decision making.)
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.
Writing Score (0-30): 25-27
Score (0-5): 4.00-4.25
Grammar & Feedback: 글의 흐름과 포인트 잘 잡으셨습니다. 사소한 문법적 실수에 주의 하시고 문장이 너무 길어지면 두 문장으로 나누어 쓰는 것이 좋을 듯 합니다. 수고하셨어요.