▶ Your Answer :
Opinions might be
divided over whether building a large shopping center in their neighborhood is
good. People of various ages and from different walks of life may take diverse
positions on this controversial issue. Personally, I support that the plan of
building a large shopping center in my neighborhood for an essential
reasons: development and stress.
First of all,
building a huge shopping center helps the town developed. Some people
say that the plan of building a landmark such as a
shopping center would make a town worse because of increasing the increase of traffic jam which is caused causes by shoppers(쇼핑객). Advocates’ claims may sound reasonable on the
surface. However, if we take closer look at their contentions, the rationale of
their assertions lacks logic in many ways. Moreover, my personal experience can
definitely debunk their claims. When I was 16 years old, my town had small
markets. And a few people lived there. 2 years later, a large shopping center
was built in my town. Not only people who had lived in our town but also people
who lived in other regions came to the shopping center to buy things and enjoy
free time. Because of increasing the increase of
the number of people in the town, other markets, cafes and restaurants were newly created. Thus, the
town has been was developed in
many ways. The same applies to other regions.
Second,
building a the huge shopping center let
the people who lived in the town relieve stress more easily. Moreover, beyond
my personal experience, there are many articles which can support my argument.
They expressed doubts that are similar to my point of view. A few weeks ago, I
had a chance to read an article from the Dong-A Daily News related to today’s
topic. It described the results of a survey conducted by the Seoul National
University sociology researchers with more than 300 people who lived in the
town where a large shopping center was built in few years ago as respondents. Of the people surveyed more than 80
percent answered that they can relieve their stress with various activities.
They went on say that the many different activities in the
shopping center such as theater, restaurant and so on let them play more
exciting have a more exciting time. On the
other hand, people who were not confronted with such a situation, were much
harder to manage their stress had a harder time
managing their stress. This clearly proves that building a shopping center can help people enjoy their
life.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Fair (17-23) |
Score |
21 |
Overall
Comment: |
결론을 안 적으셨어요. 본문이 매우
길어서 결론을 적을 자리가 없었으면 본문을 더 간략하게 쓰시고 결론을 적으시는 게 중요합니다. 문법 오류들도 많습니다. 영어에서
'play' 라는 단어는 한국에서 흔히 쓰이는 놀다, 이런 느낌이 아니라 정말 게임을 하고 논다, 장난감을 가지고 논다, 이런 뜻에 더
가까우니 참고하시길 바래요. 위 지적사항들을 확인하세요. |
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