▶ Your Answer :
Various opinions may exist over the
argument that grandparent's advice is not useful to grandchildren nowadays. As
far as I am concerned, I am in complete disagreement with the argument. The two
ideas stated can be valid evidence to support my view.
First of all, listening to grandparents' meaningful advice still is an
excellent way of enhancing insights and outlooks since people, especially the
grandchildren in this case can have more viewpoints
on living in the world. While growing up, many people are immersed by tons of
information and knowledge about this world through formalized education. The
problem that comes with this is that most of the information and knowledge is
conveyed with the source's viewpoint and they can easily become shortsighted if
they do not have chances to experience and broaden their horizon. In many
cases, lack of experience or stereotype is a serious concern that hinders one's
success. Therefore, in order to gain well-balanced views, become more cultured
or acquire beneficial information on living in these complicated world, they
are encouraged to listen carefully to their
grandparent's real advice. A research conducted by a renowned sociologist James
Andrew indicates that people who frequently listen to the their grandparents'
suggestions attain the goal of broadening their viewpoint or being more
successful in their lives in a much more effectual way whereas having the same
accomplishments is somewhat stunted for people who do not hear the advice from
their grandparents well. Likewise, his research proves that my argument is
compelling. In this regard, taking notice in grandparents' advice is beneficial
for people, especially grandchildren due to expanding various perspectives. (문단이 매우 깁니다. 조금 더 간략하게 쓰시는 연습이 필요할 것 같아요.)
On top of that, the old's saying, mainly grandparents can usher
grandchildren into the right direction by teaching them precious life lessons
and the true value of life in these days. Most children are immature to have
thorough understandings of life and are likely to become incapable of coping
with problems at pivotal moments of their lives in the future. At such times,
grandparents' saying or advice offers chances for maturation and enlightens
them about important values so that they can become a better person. According
to a private survey conducted by Seoul National University of Korea, most of
the surveyed respondents answered that they were strongly influenced by
grandparents' counseling. They also responded that if they did not attend on
the advice that grandfather or grandmother talked said, they would not know what is important in their
lives. For these reasons. I maintain that attending on advice that grandparents
mentioned is valuable because these things let people recognize the life
lessons.
Taking all of these into considerations, I strongly contend that grandparents'
teaching to their grandchildren must be useful because of gaining diverse
perspectives and acquiring the valuable lessons of life.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Good (24-30) |
Score |
28 |
Overall
Comment: |
두 번째 문단이 매우 깁니다. 조금
더 간략하게 써주세요. 마찬가지로 comma이용을 너무 과하게 하시는 것 같은 느낌이 있습니다. 끊어주실 때는 끊어주시는 게 흐름에 더
자연스러워요. 그걸 제외하면 매우 잘 쓰신 글입니다! 수고하셨어요. |
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