▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, Mmedia contents play a vital
role in people’s lives in various aspects. Some people believe that movies and
books should show good people winning and bad people losing, while the other
people do not. In terms of this issue, I will choose the former claim and there
are two reasons as follows.
To begin with, It is need to children that movie
and books show happy ending since it encouraging good and punishing evil in movies and books can help children feel a sense of
achievement about good activities. Good activities such as helping handicapped people
require them to abide by rules, respect others and cooperate with others. When
such obligations are fulfilled, children are likely to realize that it brings
out achievement and positive result. While if movies and books show that good
people losing and bad people winning, they will be confused. confuse. For example, there was
a poll conducted by Chosen newspapers, which is the most influential news
magazine, with high school students as respondents. The purpose of the survey is to
understand the consensus view about influence of happy ending in many media
contents. The majority of respondents ranked happy ending over bad ending. An
overwhelming 80% responded that the movies which had have good ending gave them hope
to live in this world, while the remaining of 20% respondents claimed that bad
ending movies affected them good result. 해피엔딩/배드엔딩은 권선징악과는 개념이 좀 다를 것 같아요. 논제가 묻는 것은 영화나 책이 좋은 사람들이 잘되고 나쁜 사람들이 처벌받는 권선징악의 내용을 다루어야 한다고 보는가에 대한 것이므로 이 부분에 좀 더 초점을 두고 흐름을 다듬어주세요.
On the top of that, Ppositive thought brings
people success. Story Stories that show good people winning and bad people losing gives
people positive thought. It is required for people to have good thought in this
world. As a result, they can have not only gain self-confidence for living in
this world but also do their his best for success. For example, my younger brother
used to have negative thought. However, he had changed after he watched an
animation called “One piece”. He realized that his negative thought could bad negatively affect
others, while his positive thought could help play with others with ease. 권선징악의 내용이 긍정적인 생각을 갖게 해준다는 연결이 좀 어색해 보여요. 권선징악의 내용을 담은 책/영화가 어떻게 독자로 하여금 긍정적인 생각을 갖게 하는지 설명할 수 있어야 합니다.
To sum up, I strongly believe that the
advantage of happy ending movies and books far outweigh those of bad ending
movies and books for the reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, the
importance of media contents of good resulting cannot be underestimated in this
world.
Comment : 권선징악의 내용을 담은 책이나 영화가 어떤 긍정적인 효과를 가져오는지 설명함으로써 입장을 피력하는 것은 좋은 전략입니다. 각 본론에서 내 입장이 더 명확하게 잘 드러날 수 있도록 내용을 더 정돈해주시면 좋을 것 같아요. 해피엔딩/배드엔딩(or새드엔딩)은 조금 개념이 다르기 때문에 표현을 정확하게 주제에 맞게끔 수정해주시는 게 좋을 것 같습니다. 수동태, 시제, 수량 표현과 관련한 문법오류가 많은 편이니 이 부분들 꼼꼼하게 체크해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2.5/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함) |