몇점정도 받을수있는지 + 약간의 첨삭 부탁드려요 ㅜㅜ
It is debatable whether students should spend their time to take exercise in school. Some people say that school is the place to study, so they should spend whole time to learning. However, I strongly believe that students need to take exercise in school. Because physical exercise is necessary thing to study and education is not the most important thing to live. Also school is the most effective place to learn physical education.
First of all, physical exercise is helpful to study. Also we can't study without healthy body. Health is the most important thing to live. Then students need to exercise. However students in Korea, doesn't spend enough time to keep their health. This is why there are some students who can't study because of their health. After exercise, we can pull ourselves together and push on the next class. Also we can get rid of stress. According to study by many scientists, we can also train the power of concentration, temperance, cooperation and volition power. This is useful to study.
In addition, school is the place to learn basic things to live not to study. Study is only a part of life, not the all of the life. But these days many people believe that learning is the most important thing. So there are many academies with lots of students. Also most student waste lots of time to study. Last week in the newspaper, I saw that students will have physical, education only 1 hour a week soon. However they will have 4 hours a week to learning math. This is unfair. Every subject is important. But government pursues only Korean, Math, and English. I can't understand why.
Lastly, school is a great place to learn physical education. First, there are many students who can participate to take exercise together. Most of physical games need many people. Also there is a large play ground to play game. There are many supplies, too. Finally, we can learn many kinds of exercise with skills.
To conclude, we need to learn physical education in school because it is useful to study and school is a great place to exercise. You need to remember exercise is the most important thing. If you have not enough time to exercise, you can keep your health by few minutes of walking.Let keep our body healthy.