▶ Your Answer :
There is a controversy controversial issue regarding
whether the extended family is not as significant now as before. I personally
agree with the idea that the extended family is not as important now as before
for two reasons. , First, extended family terms are losing its meaning itself by
increasing of the number of nuclear family familys’ appearance and second, social laws changed and
focused on nuclear family.
To begin with, while many people consider that
the ideas of extended family are still important and valuable as before, I believe that
the number of the nuclear family population is more than that of the extended family. This is bBecause people don’t
want to marry and give birth to a baby. So, the birthrate is are decreasing every
year consistently.
(뒤에 poll 문단 여기에 붙여주세요.)
According
to a recent poll, the majority of single women mother responded that they are not thinking don’t think
about getting married and having a child a mind about marriage and childbirth. This is because they only want to live
alone or already living a happy life. (My personal experience 문단 붙여주세요.)
(My personal
experience could be an example. When I was young, I used to visit to my cousin's
house once a month. I often met my grandmother, grandfather and even great
grandmother in there. But now my relatives had gone to abroad and I do did not
visit there anymore. Like this, so many people in the world do not gather in
one place as if we had assembled at home. So I think that it is now a thing of
the past.)
On the top of that, to strengthen
my view point, overall society laws which are changed and focused on nuclear family.
The reason is when the law-making organization legislate the laws, they have to
consider today’s social trend or shift. So, the institution reflects on the
increase of the nuclear family.scores of nuclear familys numerical increment. (뒤 paragraph 붙여주세요.)
(In
addition, a well-known professor of Harvard University in Home Eeconomics department
published an editorial and as a result, he supports my opinion. This report mentioned
that over 60% of the family shape of recent research is consisted of nuclear
family. The professor also said that the extended familys’ distribution ratio perpetually
will be decrease comparing to the past. )
(한줄 간격으로 띄시면 됩니다.)
To conclude,
I strongly argue that my points with two reasons are sufficiently convincing.
(띄지 마세요)
The growing
number of nuclear family has contributed to the loss of the extended family's meaning
and most social laws' criterion is changing and progressive. (in this regard 문장 붙여주세요)
In this
regard, I believe that the extended family is not as critical in the present as
before.
Limited (1-16) 기본적인 토플 에세이 틀은 서론+ 본문1 +본문2+ 결론 으로 총 4개의 단락이구요, 능력에 따라 본문의 갯수를 늘리실 수는 있습니다. 좀더 자유로운 틀 사용은 영어가 모국어이고 영어로 글쓰기가 자유자재이지 않은 이상 위험합니다. 본문은 주로, 주제문+ 부연설명+ 예시 +(주제문 다시; 옵션) 으로 쓰시면 됩니다. 예시를 다른 단락으로 쪼개시면 글이 혼란스러워집니다. 또한, 본문에 예시 1개면 충분합니다. 2개 이상은 문법과 문장력과 시간 분배가 가능할 때 하는 것이 더 효과적입니다. 예시 1개로도 오류를 최소화하고 필요한 내용을 다 넣으면 좋은 글이 될 수 있습니다. 첫번째 본문에서, birth rate의 감소가 이유인 것은 좋지만 주제문과 한번 더 연결시켜 주면 좋을 것 같습니다. Because of the decrease of birth rate, there are more nuclear families than extended families, which inevitably makes the extended family not as important now as before. 이런 식으로 a recent poll 문단 마지막에 넣어주시면 주제문과 더 연결이 될 것 같아요. 두번째 본문에서, 법 제정에 관하여 더 자세히 써주세요. 법 제정이 무엇을 반영하며, 그로 인한 사회의 변화/ 법 제정의 변화가 사회에 주는 영향 (the importance of the extended family에 끼치는 영향) 을 본인의 주장에 맞게 서술해주세요. my experience 문단과 Harvard University 문단은 빼시는 것이 전체 흐름에 더 맞을 것 같습니다. 단어와 문법 연습 많이 해주세요. 단어는 여러가지 혼용하시려고 하셔서 좋습니다. To begin with 뒤에 while로 시작하는 문장은 while 주어 동사, 주어 동사 해주셔야 합니다. 기본적인 문장 쓰기와 글 쓰기는 잘 되시니 좀더 본인 주장에 맞게 글 쓰는 연습 하시면 빨리 느실 거예요! 수고하셨습니다~
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