▶ Your Answer :
There are many types of classes to be participated and
performed participate and perform in school. But However it is common for students to attend class with
lecturers or open discussions with other classmates in the school.
I think the latter one is more beneficial to students since
it can give an opportunity to participate in class actively compared to classes
only performed with lectures. Moreover, if the students have to be participated participate in the group discussions, they can be a good motivator each other and as such,
they will be able to elevate their achievement in the class. 인트로를 이렇게 따로 분할해서 서술하시는 것 보다는 한 단락으로 서술하시는 것이 좋을 거 같아요. 인트로를 서술하실 때 간단하게 hook을 넣어 주시고 반박 문장을 서술하신 후에 자신의 의견과 그것에 관련된 이유만 서술하시는 것 이 좋을 거 같아요.
To begin with, in my opinion, it is most critical to concentrate
and participate with enthusiastic attitude in learning something well.
Especially, in classes, many students are likely to be lost their interest with
long continued lecture. But However if the students allowed to do activities as a group
such as group discussions and team assignment, they might be able to
concentrate on their doing and boost up their energy to do their studies.
For example, when I worked as an English teacher for middle
school students at academy, I had to deliver the lecture to them. I always
tried to involve them to my class but they were easily distracted. For this
reason, I tried to do group session with the students and give gave the assignments
that has had to be done together. As time went by, they showed the enthusiasm that they
have not shown did not show before and they were not be likely to be distracted easily due to
the responsibility to complete their team assignment. If I had not tried the group session in my
class, I could not experience the difference of student’s performance in the
classroom. 논리적으로 잘 풀어나갔지만 아쉬운점은 문법적 오류입니다. 예시를 서술하실 때 과거에 관련된 얘기를 서술하시려면 무조건 시제를 꼭 과거로 서술하시길 바랍니다. 과거에 일어난일은 과거 시제로 현재 일어난 일은 현재로 서술하시면 좋을 거 같습니다.
On top of that, unlike the class
only performed as a lecture, when the students participate in the class performed
as a group discussion, they could experience competitive atmosphere in the
class and they would try to do better not to be left behind. In this way, they
could elevate their performance in their studying. My own experience is a
compelling example of this. When I was a freshman in university, I had to
submit my team project assignment in only one months. The subject of project was
so tough that I couldn’t could not complete easily. My teammates also were in trouble to
get over this. Moreover, when we heard a news that the other teams were doing
well without any problems on their work, we just frustrated and discouraged
hearing that one. But we were encouraged each other and motivated by the other
team performance at the same time. We just tried to do our best all day and
night and with the help of professor and other resources related to our
subject, we could complete the project successively successfully. Our presentation was also
finished with praise.
To sum up, I believe that the
students participate participating in class with group discussions is effective to
concentrate on the lessons without any distractions and elevate their achievement
in the mood of competitiveness among students. In this regard, I maintain that
taking open discussions with professors and students in class would be
beneficial to students rather that attend rather than attending the class only with the professor’s
lecture. Fair: 17~23 점수:19 전반적으로 내용면에서는 각 바디들이 논리적으로 잘 풀어 나갔습니다. 특히 설명에서 예시로 넘어가는 부분이 아주 매끄럽게 진행 되었습니다. 하지만 아쉬운 점은 문법적 오류입니다. 제가 위 에세이에서 참석 해준 문법적 오류를 보시고 참고하시길 바랍니다. 이러한 부분이외에에는 문제가 없는 에세이 입니다. 수고많았습니다.
|