▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, making a new
friends plays a significant role in
people’s daily lives in many of the places. Some people think that travelling
is the best way to make for student to make new friends, while others do not.
Both sides may have them own reasons to support their views. If I had to choose
one, I would say that travelling gives a lot of chances to make new friends for
student. There are several reasons and
reasons as follows. To begin with, when students travel
to another country, they will meet many of people who comes from different
countries easily. So, they can learn how to mingle well with people from
different backgrounds. It exposes them to different lifestyles, customs and
cultures. Such exposure is likely to help student to acknowledge that different
values exist, to understand this diversity and to be ultimately comfortable
with it. For example, last year, I went to India for to travelling. there was a
festival when I was in India. In the festival, I met a new Indian friend. We usually eat ate some meals together while I
was there. At the first time we ate together, I was shocked with her behaviors which
when she uses used her hands when she was eating. Her action was not common things uncommon for to me.
So, at first, I felt uncomfortable. However, after I communicated with her, I
can was able to understand her cultures and I got used to her behaviors. Therefore, to make making new friends from travelling gave me a comprehension to understand other
foreigner’s
customs. On the top of that, to make new friends
for travelling from travel helps student to make broaden their social network widely. For instance,
when I was in middle school, I went to Germany for the a work camp. In the camp,
I was the only person who came from Asia. The purposes that I applied for the work camp
was to doing some volunteering service and wanted to have a network with friends from other
nations friends. After the camp was done, me and other friends who met in the
camp made a plan to meet next time and we allow to providing home and provided foods to others when they came to
each of people’s counties. This implies that
making a widening social network can expand their relationships on a global level.
This, making a new friends through travelling make a chance to widen student’s social network.
All things considered, I strongly
believe that travelling is the best way to make new friends for students for
the reasons I have mentioned above. Had it not been for the essay, I never could
have had to consider these topics to prove its point.
예상점수: 21-24 총평:문법적인 오류가 많습니다. fluency와 관련해서 문장이 매끄럽지 않고 불필요한 추가적인 표현을 많이 사용하시는 것 같아요. 조금 더 직접적으로 문장을 쓰시는게 좋을 것 같아요. 내용적으로도 두 가지 이유 모두 겹치는 부분이 있는 것 같아요. 이러한 부분들을 차이가 조금 더 극명하게 나타나도록 해주시는게 좋을 것 같아요. 현재로서는 두 이유가 비슷하게 제시되어서 글의 설득력이 조금 떨어지는 것 같아요. 수고 많으셨습니다. |