▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, individual’s action plays an
important role in improving the environment. There are several methods that
people can use to protect the environment: reducing the usage of a plastic bag,
facilitating public transportation, and building a park or planting a tree.
Respective sides have their own reasons to support their view. If I had to
choose one, I would use public transportation. There are some reasons as
follows. Most of all, taking public transit instead
of using individual cars can prevent climate change. This is because cars emit
harmful gases, such as CO2, which cause air pollution and changes weather
patterns in the end. Changes in weather patterns can bring about property
damage and hundreds of deaths. For example, Texas, which is known for its dry
weather, suffered from an unexpected massive flooding a few years ago. Since
there was no solid system to deal with this kind of natural disaster, the
residents could not get proper help in time. As a result, thousands of people
died and lost their houses. Therefore, if an individual starts using public
transportation instead of their own cars, it will reduce toxic gases and they will be
able to contribute to stopping climate change, thus ultimately preventing this
kind of loss. On the other hand, cutting down the usage of a plastic bag is not
very feasible because not many people are aware of its seriousness and do not
bother to participate in it. For example, when the government implemented a
policy which encouraged engouraged people to use a cotton bag instead of a plastic bag, I
saw only a small number of people who were carrying a cotton bag at the
supermarket. Furthermore, building a park or planting a tree will take a long
time to fulfill its role in recovering the environment.
To sum up, I strongly believe that the
advantages of using public transit far outweigh those of not using a plastic
bag and fostering green areas for those reasons I have mentioned above. All in
all, the importance of public transportation in improving the environment
cannot be overestimated.
예상점수: 24-27 총평: 전체적으로글을 잘 쓰셨는데 구조와 구성이 조금 아쉽네요. 가능하면 문단의 구조를 나누어서 바디를 두 개 제시해주시는게 더 설득력이 강한 에세이를 쓰는데 도움이 될 것 같습니다. 위에서 제시해주신 이야기들은 모두 휼륭하지만 이 중에 두 개를 조금 더 구체적으로 elaborate하셨다면 더 좋은 에세이가 나왔을 것 같아요. 문법적인 문제는 많이는 없었고 spelling 에러만 몇개 있었는데 위에서 확인하시고 시험에서 조심하시면 될 것 같아요. 수고 많으셨습니다.
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