▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly,
preparing for an adult life plays a significant role in people’s lives in many of the places, where they work or play. Some people
think that one of the best ways that parents support their teenage children to
prepare for and adult life is to help them to take a part-time job, while
others do not think differently. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If
I had to choose one, I would say that doing a works to prepare for an adult
life is a good ways that parents support their children.There are several
reasons and examples as follows. for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, taking a part-time job helps children to
learn how to mingle well with people from different backgrounds. It exposes
them to different lifestyles, customs and cultures. Such exposure is likely to
help helps them to acknowledge that different values exist to understand this
diversity, and to be ultimately comfortable with it different cultural value. For example, when my
father was in high school, he was timid and hard to communicate with other
people. So, his parents suggest him to take a part-time job to prepare an adult
life. At first, he was also hard to mingle well with other coworkers. However,
after a few weeks later, he could get along well with other coworkers. Therefore,
he’s characteristics
changed into positively and actively and after he became an adult he had a lots
of friends in his company
On top of that, doing a work is one of the best way that
children can develop their personal traits. It requires them to be diligent,
passionate and self-disciplined. When their personal traits are developed, it
is likely to bring brings about a better result in school or in life. For instance, when my
older sister was in middle school, she was lazy and do not have any worried worries
about her life. Moreover, she always late in school so our parents were always
worrying worried about her. Thus, our parent suggest suggests her to take a part-time job in my
mother’s restaurant
during a summer vacation. In the beginning, my sister didn’t did not want to do a work so my parents forced her to do it. After, the
vacation was over, her behavior was changed in to diligent. She woke up early
so she does not late her school, cleaning up her room everyday, and sometimes
she helped mother’s work in restaurant without any
forces.
All
things considered, I strongly believe that taking a part-time to organize for
adult life is a best way that parents support their children. These factors
give a chance to socialize well with other people and to develop their personal
traits in a good way. Had it not been for the essay, I never could have had to
consider these factors to prove its point. Good: 24~30 점수: 26 대채로 잘 서술된 독립형 에세이지만 아쉬운 부분이 약간 있습니다 그것은 바로 문법적인 부분입니다. 문법적인 오류들이 있으니 제가 첨삭 하신 것을 보시고 확인하시길 바랍니다. 문법적인 부분이외에는 독립형 에세이가 갖춰야할 것은 다 갖추고 있습니다. 각 바디의 예시나 설명들이 이유를 잘서포트 하여서 본인의 의견이 무엇인지 정확하게 알 수 있었던 에세이였습니다. 수고많으셧습니다.
|