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Undoubtedly, university plays a significant role in people’s daily lives in many of the places they work or play. Some people think that university should spend as much money on sports as they do on libraries, while others do not think differently. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I had to choose one, I would say that it is necessary for university to invest much more money in sports as they do in libraries. There are several reasons as follows for the following subsequent reasons. Most of all, sports would help students to build relationship with others To begin with, sports develop the interaction skill. Sports possess a lot of possibilities to communicate and socialize with others. When these possibilities are fulfilled, it is likely to bring a it brings about a better result in their relationship. For example, Samuel, one of my friends was always timid and powerless. He has changed little by little changed gradually after he joined a football club in university. He cooperated and communicated with his teammates and he became active, confident, and socialized. Without this experience, he would have been lonely.
In addition, students can be healthier by playing sports become healthier when playing sports. Playing sports help helps students to speed up their metabolism, burn calories, and lose their weight. When such procedures are done, students can be healthier. Let me give you an example of this. My For example, my youngest brother suffered from diabetes and overweight. He has changed little by little changed gradually after he started to play tennis in the university’s new gym. He was able to lose his weight, reduced his blood sugar level, and ran run faster. If it were not for this experience, he would have been sick of his diseases. To sum up, the advantages of investing much money in sports at the university far outweigh the disadvantages of not doing that. The importance spending much money on sports in campus cannot be overestimated in life. Good: 24~30 점수: 25 일단 문법적인 오류들이 있습니다. 제가 첨삭한 것을 보시고 숙지하시길 바랍니다. 많은 문법적 오류는 전체적인 에세이 플로우를 방해하기 때문에 최대한 에세이를 서술하실 때 문법적인 요소에 집중을 더 하시면서 서술하시길 바랍니다. 전반적인 측면에서 봤을 때 이 에세이는 논리적인 부분에 있어서는 잘 서술된 에세이입니다. 각 바디의 예시나 설명들이 이유를 서포트 할 뿐만아니라 본인의 에세이가 뭘 말하려고 하는지를 정확하게 알 수 있었습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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