▶ Your Answer :
Opinions may be divided over whether an organized person is prone to
succeed. People of various ages and different walks of life may take diverse positions
over the controversial issue. We cannot deny the fact that a well-planned
person plays an important role in this world. Personally, therefore, I agree that an
organized person is easy to succeed due to the facts to being flexible on any
problems and being outstanding.
To begin with, an organized person is more adaptable to
predicaments. Well-organized is one of the most significant factors of success. In other
words, well-organized people are inclined to become more efficient and easily settle problems
that they confronted. This is because they have assorted experience and
knowledge. So, they can readily be applicable to their own problems. For
example, everyone is aware that there are a wide variety of complex problems
and orders in a workplace. Thus, a poll was conducted by Korean EAP with
business men and CEO as respondents. The purpose of the survey was to
understand the consensus view about one of the most important aspects in
today's work life. The majority of respondents ranked an organized person over
anything else. An overwhelming 80% responded that a company requires a well-prepared person and they also need that person as a colleague. The reason was that organized people do not get be embarrassed
well about any predicaments. Another reason was that they have an excellent practical
ability based on diverse experience and knowledge.(분사구문으로 가능한 부분인가요?) This survey
proves most of workers have a positive view about an organized person.
On top of that, an organized person has a meaning in
itself since they are outstanding than any other competitor. To survive in this
world of endless competition society, people ought to prepare in advance. In
the case of entering a remarkable company, everyone knows that it is like a
camel passing through the eye of a needle nowadays. Eventually, entering a
successful company means having enough likelihood to succeed. One's ability can
be clouded by other's abilities so in order to stand out, it is required for a
person to make oneself ready for. For instance, when I was in a college, I had
prepared a wide array of things to enter a good company. I participated in
abroad volunteer programs and had diverse internships to experience varied tasks
at different environments. It led me to entering a superb company and then I could
feel fulfilled ultimately.
Taking having flexblility and being outstanding into the consideration, in this regard, I firmly hold that an
organized person is more prone to succeed for the reasons that I mentioned above.
Fair/Good (21-24) 600자 이상 쓰셨는데 30분 이내에 쓰신 건가요. 아니라면 30분 이내에 쓰는 연습을 해주세요.
또한, 불필요한 내용이 많습니다. 첫번째 본문에서 organized person 과 person with experience는 관계가 없습니다. 관련 지으시려면 그에 맞는 설명을 해주셔야 합니다. 설명없이는 일반적으로 organized person은 꼼꼼하고 계획적인 사람이라는 뜻으로 쓰입니다.
두번째 본문에서, organized person이 왜 in itself outstanding 인지 설명을 해주세요. 의미가 함축되거나 없으면 설득력이 떨어지고 글이 모호해집니다. 또한, 예시에서 본인이 여러가지 경험과 계획을 토대로 좋은 회사에 취직 (성공)했다고 하셨는데, being competitive와 being organized가 어떤 연관이 있고, 경험과 계획 쌓는 것이 organized와 어떻게 연결되는지 써주세요. 설명 없이는 왜 주장에 부합하는 근거인지 애매합니다.
문법도 나쁘지 않지만 좀더 연습해주세요. 어휘는 여러가지 쓰려고 하신 것 같습니다. 수고하셨습니다~
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