▶ Your Answer :
The
reading passage contends that the cause of the Hohokam civilization's
disintegration can be fully explained by three theories. On the other hand, the
lecturer brings up several key issues that contradict this argument. (인트로 좋습니다.)
First,
the lecturer maintains that floods do not seem likely the cause of
disintegration. This is because floodings were common at that region. In
addition, they recovered from several devastating floods before. Furthermore,
they were able to handle floodings by canals. Hence, it is doubtful that
the Hohokam collapsed by devastating flooding.
This rebuffs the reading passage's claim that the Hohokam were forced to
relocate due to devastating floods. (통합형 본문을 쓰실 때는 일차적으로 reading의 틀린 주장이 뭔지 설명을 한 이후, lecturer이 어떻게 반박을 했는지 설명을 하는 순서가 가장 좋습니다. 지금은 lecturer의 입장만 설명하셨지 reading이 어떤 주장을 했는지 설명을 안 해주셨어요.)
Next,
the speaker asserts that the collapse of the Hohokam was not resulted from an epidemic. Spanish
explorers came to America after the Hohokam
people disappeared, and the evidence for diseases was not discovered at any
area. So it is hard to say that the demise of the Hohokam is was caused by diseases. This refutes the reading
passage's point that a deadly epidemic caused Hohokam society's collapse. (이 문단은 잘 쓰셨어요.)
Finally, the lecturer argues that it is highly doubtful to say the reason for the Hohokam civilization's
disintegration is was internal conflict. He argues that there
was no ruling class at the Hohokam society because tombs
for the ruling class have not been discovered. (lecturer이 이렇게 말했다~ 라는 뉘앙쓰를 풍기려면 he argues that, he explains that, 이런 표현들을 써주시면 좋습니다) In addition, oral histories are usually not reliable
at all. Therefore, it is hard to imagine that the Hohokam civilization was
disappeared by internal conflict. This contradicts the reading passage's claim
that internal conflict made the Hohokam civilization be disintegrated.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Fair (17-23) |
Score |
18 |
Overall
Comment: |
수고하셨습니다. 두 입장을 잘
나열해 주셨고 (첫번째 문단 제외) 근거도 잘 대주셨습니다. 다만 문법 오류가 좀 있어서 감점을 드렸어요. 위 수정사항들 참고
부탁드립니다. 철자 오류들도 많으니, 마무리 하시기 전에 한 번 확인하시는 습관을 키우시면 좋을 것 같습니다. |
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