▶ Your Answer :
Some people might claim that having children look after a pet is not
the best way to teach have a responsible attitude. However, this perspective is not
true for the two following reasons which I am going to elaborate. From my point
of view, I personally feel that it is even more crucial for children to care
for a pet in terms of learning appropriate obligations and coping with their pocket
money smartly.
First of all, taking care of a pet makes a child learn necessary obligations,
which is a key to develop responsibilities. This is because raising a pet
requires ensuing disciplines such as feeding and walking them on times ,
managing their time more wisely or following regulations about the safety and
health of pets. According to a study conducted by Korea University, students
who have a pet do better academically than their peers who do not have it. This
is because they know how to deal with multiple tasks and responsibilities and can
also manage their time more effectively because looking for a pet needs to a
lot of attention from them on a regular basis. 애완동물을 돌보는 것이 많은 주의를 요하기 때문에 시간을 잘 활용하고 일처리를 잘 한다는 연결이 좀 어색하게 느껴져요. 애완동물을 돌보는 것이 여러 가지 일을 한꺼번에 처리하는 연습이 되어준다는 데 초점을 두고 설명을 다듬으면 좋을 것 같아요. 공부와 애완동물 돌보기를 병행한다고 설명하는 것도 좀 어색할 수 있어요. Thus, students with a pet who
juggle studying and raising pets are more mature and better equipped to succeed
than their peers who do not have no same such an experience.
On top of that, having children care for a pet allows them to teach manage
their spending money well, which contributes to enhances his or her responsibilities.
This is because raising pets exposes a child to a real world without free things. To
be specific, they can know that taking care of a pet costs a lot. Thus, it will
be great chance for a child to learn how to handle their own money properly and
appreciate its value. Take my personal experience, for instance. When I was in
elementary school, my father bought me a cute dog on Christmas day and he told
me that I had to raise it on my own. At first, I was very happy and it seemed
very simple. However, after a few days, I realized that it is too expensive to by all
the products for a dog, such as food, clothes or even a small toy. Through this
real experience, I learned the importance of money and became more cautious
about spending my parent’s hard-earned money.
To sum up, having a child take care of a pet enables them to learn disciplines
as well as the value of money. In this regard, I fully believe that raising a
pet is the best dispensable methods for children in order to build a sense of
responsibility.
독립형 채점 기준 논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task 적절한 설명 appropriate explanation 적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details 일관성, 단계적 구성 unity, progression, coherence 다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety 적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity Writing 0–30 score scale Limited (1-16) Fair (17-23)
Good (24–30) ✓
질문 내용에 맞게 책임감과 연관지어서 주장을 잘 피력해주신 점이 좋았습니다. 주장에서 설명을 연결할 때 흐름이 어색한 부분들은 없는지 체크하고 다듬어가면서 실전 대비하시면 좋을 것 같아요. 구성이나 적절한 사례 제시 등 전반적으로 잘 써주신 것 같아요! 수고 많으셨습니다~!
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